Love is…

Love is the only thing that you can still have after you’ve given it all away. When you allow it to flow through you freely, sincerely, without polluting it with selfish desires, it leaves itself behind like a residue. It permanently marks your soul as a gift of appreciation, transforming you into a physical manifestation of itself. It changes you because you allowed yourself to submit to its will and not forcing it to conform to your own desire to be loved. Most of us never get here with love because we lack the understanding of what is required to have it. 

Most people seek out things like money, power, fame and popularity for a sense of happiness because they believe getting someone to love them where they’re at has proved far too difficult to ever be attained. They believe that affectation of love and begin to do these things becoming even more stressed out, filled with even more with feelings of loneliness and unfulfilled longing. They continuously subject themselves to self-abuse and betrayal because the fear of giving without any reciprocation seems like far too expensive a price for them. The insecurity of even receiving love without an expectation of service causes people to reject the love they desire so desperately and isolate themselves from it. 

Because Love is specific. Because Love is constant. We must realize that Love is alive and quite unconcerned with sensual feelings even though it evokes them with its power. Love is a thought of consideration. Love is an act of selflessness. Love is courageous despite the risks and sometimes, Love has to get us past ourselves to get us to see that we are the very thing in the way of its victory in our lives. We have to come to the understanding that love is solely an outward moving force and the more we allow it to flow outwardly the more we become in tune with it, attracting it like a lightning rod. It is Truth, it is not concerned with being right but rather with what is right, it covers people’s mistakes not highlight them for the world to see, it corrects with gentleness and allows the truth to have the conviction in others lives. 

When people truly become lovers they will begin to leave behind their need of external approval, they will begin to seek out understanding instead of opportunities to judge and divide. People who love from the pure places in their hearts love from a place of connection to all without the need for control. They become the very empath they always needed, they become someone’s strength, their hope, and most importantly; they shine a light for those who still struggle in the darkness of doubt. 

These Good hearted people possess an outward expression of an internal stronghold. They have internalized a form of moral excellence that won’t allow them to be anything else but patient and kind. They face their trials with the kind of fearlessness that lets you know for certain that they have made it through worse. They personify courage in the wilderness of life, they love because of their ability to understand that they don’t need to see the end of the road to know they are going the right way. Love is the only thing that can kill you and give you life at the same time. 

The Urgency of Self-love

The Urgency of Self-love 

It’s a new era in this generation called “millennials”, the tech generation, the free spirits, and the “self-loved”. I am 100% pro learning to love yourself, I would love to see everyone who I cross energy with to experience the peace and joy that accompanies self-love, however, I think many people miss the purpose of what that (self-love) means. In this new era I’ve noticed a lot of the claims of self-love are coming from a sort of narcissistic, selfish, sometimes fearful place. The “I’m going to love me because no one deserves me” people, the “I’m going to love me because no one else will love me” people, or the “every time I’ve tried it fails so I’m all I got” self-love type of people. These are dangerous philosophies. 

The urgency of self-love that I believe people miss is the purpose to elevate the love for oneself in order to love someone else the way you love you. With unrepentant sincerity. Everyone wants a great love but we cannot for the life of us be one. We cannot give what we don’t have and so, often times, we create these affectations of love lacking the truth of it. We do good in order to get back, we love those that are easy to love, the ones that we agree with; there is no real sincerity in that kind of behavior. This is a generation that is constantly looking on the outside trying to find meaning for what’s on the inside; their desire to be loved, not realizing the lack of real love within is the cause of their confusion. You see people trying to satiate this desire with things and other peoples superficial attention, you notice they have no real sense of joy or peace because they aren’t being their authentic selves and they get exhausted. Some of these people often say things like “I don’t trust anyone”, “I’m focused on me”, “I’m about the money” and the like. They adopt principles that isolate instead of invite, keeping them from having to express humility or sincerity all the while exhorting “self love”. They are often overly sensitive, easily offended, inconsistent, uncommitted, and show no real interest others happiness if it doesn’t include a reward for them. 

There are those who are on the right path of self love but they struggle because of the company they keep. They wish to be influential love givers to the people they love and care about but those people don’t love and care about themselves the way they should to have the capacity to receive the truth of love they desire. These people usually end up corrupting their idea of self love that they are practicing simply because of their stubborn unwillingness to change their environment. I believe very firmly that you cannot learn to be different in the company of people desperately trying to stay the same. Those people want the benefit without the effort. A part of self love means severing connections with dead weight, destructive influences, and toxic relationships. You can only love people based on the quality of love you have for yourself and the quality of love people believe they deserve; these things have to match. Unfortunately, we have people who are dying trying to save people who can only be saved by themselves.

We forfeit our right to love for a twisted affectation of love that’s at best, and in part, sensually masturbatory. What I mean by that is we focus on just pleasing ourselves and feeling good. We stroke our own egos for a climactic attention high all the while holding on to a cynicism about love that includes anyone else because that kind of love has been defeated within us. We forfeit humility for pride because no one ever lifted us up, we forfeit courtesy because no one ever put us first, we forfeit patience because being offended is way easier than trying to understand, we forfeit honesty because we have been lied to when we allowed our hearts to lead, we forfeit forgiveness because we need to remember the pain in order to justify our condition, and we forfeit self-control because we feel like we deserve to revel in our lust for feeling good. These things corrupt our character, they corrupt the idea of love in its entirety and leaves us with a void of longing that will never be filled. We will become angrier, more bitter, more contemptuous, self seeking tyrants, turning into the very people we were betrayed by in turn betraying ourselves. 

Self-love embodies the character traits of humility, courtesy, patience, honesty, forgiveness, and self-control. It cannot be defeated by the decisions of other people, it cannot be swayed by their opinions, it will not lack in provision for you, and it surely will not keep you from loving other people. When we learn to accept the trials of life and learn to overcome these toxic philosophies that keep us prisoners to doubt and fear our perspectives on love will begin to change. We will stop feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with us, but everything to do with the condition of other peoples minds. Love is not the romanticized happily ever after that’s beat into our minds. Its rough, hard and takes time and effort that doesn’t always feel good. It’s a lifestyle that takes practice and study, it has to be who you are before it can be something you do. Although we may fail at it enough to frustrate us to the point of giving up, one thing remains true about love and its that love done wrong may hurt for the moment but love done right heals for a lifetime. That’s enough to keep going. 

Think of Me 

Think of me in parallels; two truths.I am broken & complete. 

Only then will you understand how you can love me and hate me simultaneously,

Only then will you see that I have light and dark warring inside of me over a place to live like two homeless men in the rain soaked streets.

Think of me as a high & a low; two worlds.

Then you’ll understand the feeling of breathing and drowning at the same time,

Only then will you understand I am a condition, an understanding, an existence where there is no space or time 

just energy 

Only one of me will last

You are the creator of who I’ll be, your thoughts create a home for me, your thoughts of me are everything, your thoughts will feed the love or hate, your thoughts will bring the light or the dark.

How will you think of me? 

This Began as a Letter 

I find joy in writing my affections to you.Transforming you into marvels of distant galaxies where the suns are blazing blue and the skies are lovely and crystal clear. I am in awe, feeling you as a force of nature where just one look at you moves me like an earthquake and my emotions rush over me like a hurricane. I experience great pleasure in inspiring your smile, it is as though I’m seeing my desires reflection personified in you. Never have I ever been made childlike in this way, where my imagination goes wild with creative explosions of passion filled short stories. You are a star in my eyes and because you shine so bright I can see the perfect potential resting in you like a seed in the earth waiting to be watered by the rain of my devotions. Even in the midst of fear I remain steadfast in my pursuit to find you in your essence. You are such a queen and I am but a king without one. When the nights are darkest and the quiet falls down around me like fog crawling into the golden gate, I send sweet supplications for you to high places where the universe is compelled to intervene on my behalf. Patiently nestled in the bosom of hope I tarry for your thoughts, I endure the risks of loss of time, I count the costs for your heart. I am convinced that in its time, all uncertainties will be made clear, that you will draw near, and that whatever fear rests in you will flee as I fill that void with comfort. So now, every day, I’m going to find a way to break away from the paradigms of the times and send you the only things that are truly mine. My words, my energy, and my time. 

Oasis 

I dreamt you manifested in an oasis A beautiful place of peace where I could be naked 

A place where it was just God and you

Wrapped in the transparency of truth 

Where your sun warmed me with its fire

Dancing passions of romance  

Vast joys of ocean blues 

I dreamt that

In the moment I discovered me 

I suddenly sought you 

I found the man that I was could only need something true

My night skies freckled with thoughts of you so I wrote you letters in your love language to surf the waves of your femininity 

I sang prayers with the whispers of the winds wondering 

Imagining if you were just an ephemeral existence of a fantasy soon hewed away by reality or

Perhaps you were the reaping of a soul seed sowed 

Could you have been fruit from loves tree

The spiritual rib taken from within me  

a gift of Gods favor to be my good thing

I kept searching

I dreamt of a great pyramid locked by a sand clock that would only tick tock if I stood watch 

Over the entrance…

Were the words “here lies the heart” “here lies the mind” “here lies the soul” 

The trinity of your humanity 

I dreamt that

After some time there you were                      

a wondrous journey to unfold 

And behold

Ruby red pathways followed you

Serendipitously drawn to something new

The longer I walked the more of you I felt

The more I felt the more of you I knew

I dreamt of parables drawn to the walls under the gleam of your distant light 

Visions of you scattered through my mind sight 

Resting on constellations 

Your silhouette eclipsed the moon 

Bathing in its night light 

I dreamt that time stopped in your presence 

Virtuous intent locked towards your direction

From the secret essence of connection 

Elusive, creative, unique, strong and beautiful 

Your Unequivocal complexities celebrated graciously 

I dreamt of you patiently waiting to awake with these memories 

Soon I’ll daydream about the possibilities 

We Are One

You're like an unsheathed sword whose blade has countless nicks

It glistens with blood, encroached by rust

A half broken blade with a lethal crack

You give into fear unable to face your grief

You turn away from love in utter disbelief 

You'd rather die lonely in the cold

Than be refined by hammer under fire

You are but a days end away from being thin as wire 

You are one rain drop away from snapping in two

I was to be a sheath to you

to support, guard and be one with you

To let your jagged edges rest in my spirit

To be refined by the fire in my soul 

Forgive me for my absence

I fell at the wayside of pride

Shrouded in ego

Encumbered by unconscious paradigms

With the image of God created in me

I should have known the power of your femininity 

All that it is gave meaning to my masculinity 

For out of man you came to be

Now all of you lives inside of me

We are whole and complete and lacking nothing 

Having been made one in each other

We have become as lightning and thunder 

At the hand of love 

We are one because of the other

Love Lasts Forever 

Pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure

So when it hurts will you remember that you promised me forever? 

Or will you acquiesce to fear and let it tell you that running is better?

Will you forget the love you felt the nights we spent wrapped together?

Does a bit of pain ring more true than the love we share together? 

Was your sacrifice of time more expensive than mine? 

You say you spent it a victim of crime

I say I spent it battling lies

Because I love you with much in mind

I know that your love won’t always feel divine 

I see that you are human but you are mine and in the times where we argue and fight I pray in secret for the love of you and I 

I know your hearts intent to love me without doubt or regret

And as you love I love you doubly 

Because you changed my heart the day we met

Yes pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure that’s why we make love in such a healthy measure 

So when it hurts you might remember

When I promised you I’ll leave you never 

Maybe just maybe we can look past the imperfect and somehow see that this love is so worth it 

It is my hearts desire to die so that it can live for you 

To appreciate this love because of all I took you through

Perhaps the pain is so great because great loves are not built with expiration dates 

Pain last a lot longer than pleasure but true love last a little longer than forever

Faith 101 

God establishes your faith

You find yourself drawn into some church on some odd Sunday because one of your friends or family members “dragged” or “pressured” you to go. You say ok and you go expecting church to be what you’ve always heard about, full of acts and phonies. Some how though, the worship seems to move you and you’re having emotional responses that you suppress cause you don’t want anyone to see you. You make it through it without dropping a tear, go you! You sit there and the preacher begins speaking his message and you’re uncomfortable because what he’s saying is reflecting what your life is taking you through. You suspect your family or friend has told him you were coming and gave him some background on you but they are not giving you any indicators they have when he speaks on your life. You’re thinking “this is crazy! How does he know this?!” And you begin to listen attentively cause he’s telling you theres a solution to your suffering. He tells you about his good friend Jesus and how he can change your life for eternity. You like the notion that your life can change and you start desiring it, you hear that all you have to do is believe that his good friend died for you that he will be your good friend and take care of you. Your mustard seed gets planted and you say yes. Faith has been established! 

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You come to acceptance of that faith and you come again and again and you’re high on what God has been doing for you. You are now saved sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost whoop whoop! No one can ever tell you God isn’t real, but there’s more! You have enrolled into the walk with Jesus Christ as his disciples had done and your lessons begin. God begins telling you to do things he wants you to do, they are hard and you don’t want to do them because they make you uncomfortable and you begin to wonder where that blissful time in God has gone where things just worked. Suddenly something happens that may hurt your feelings and you say “God why did you let that happen to me? Are you real? I thought you were supposed to protect me and make my life better?” 

God challenges your faith

If everything were to be fixed in your life and you were to have no more problems in your life would you really appreciate what God has given you? Would you stop sinning and actually be righteous and upright? Or would you take advantage of Gods gift and do what you wanted to do? Would you take his gift and only love yourself with it? He knows you’ll forget what he brought you out of so he sends you reminders of your weakness and his strength. Those reminders are always hard and just what you need to grow in him. He wants you to accept them and remember he loves you.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

‭‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4 ‭NKJV‬‬

Just like any teacher God assigns tests, but God isn’t like any teacher we know. He has a specific lesson plan made for each of us, that means your lessons may be more difficult (looking) than someone else’s. The lessons are meant to attack your weaknesses so that the enemy cannot defeat you with them. Healing your brokenness is that patience having its perfect work. You have to go through these trials to eliminate the strongholds the devil has established in you. Don’t resist God and give yourself over to the enemy because you want to feel good all the time. 

God builds your faith 

Once you understand the purposes of Gods trials you begin to recognize how faith operates, you start to understand that faith has to grow in you from that little seed of faith to a fruit bearing tree of faith but you have to water it right? You have to have faith in the little things of your life. Say you want a job, you pray that God gives it to you, you apply, you say “God is gonna let me have it”, you don’t get the job. Has God forsaken you? Has your faith failed? No! You pour more water on that seed. “I’m believing God has something better for me so I’ll keep praying and keep applying”. We don’t have a clue what God is doing but we must trust his timing and when he does deliver you’ll look back on that job you thought was for you and thank him that he didn’t give it to you because of how great the real blessing is. 

“For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.””

‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

And you are transformed by your faith in God
After believing, being tested, and growing by those tests you learn to question less and follow more. God has proven himself to you time and time again so you have confidence in him more than you ever had before. You worry less, you are comfortable in times of strife, and you’re full of joy when the rest of the world says you should be messed up with sadness. You know for certain God will use anything to move you forward. All those time you saw an end God opened a door that no man could close, you know just how weak you are and understand the duality of yourself. Your life is really changed. Your mind is really changed. You notice and other people notice as well. 

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

What God has done he will continue to do and we all must fight to get to that place of peace in God. Even in writing this I realize how far away I am from being a fully grown tree in Christ. Trusting God is by no means an easy task but continuing to walk with him will make it easier. Remembering where we started should be reassurance enough to know that we are different because of him. Remembering those things should be motivation enough to tell someone about him. Sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of not being good enough when we fail but fail to realize the success God has had even in our failures. He knows and understands fully what we are going through and that’s why He never forsakes us. Whoever believes is going to be made whole, so remember what God has done and just keep going. 

Mind Body Soul

I want to love you as God loves me

To be fully committed and unwavering 

I want to be close and intimate believing only the purity of your heart 

I want to love you as I love me

Fully forgiving and understanding 

Knowing that you too are like me

Deserving of a love everlasting

I want to grow in spirit and in truth

Having an intense desire and adoration for all that is you

To study pieces of you that helps me love you yesterday, today and forever

I want to be of one mind 

Focused on the finish line

I want to bear fruit with you

To learn to stand when I’ve done all I can 

I want to love you as God loves you 

To die so that you may live

To dwell within you wherever you go

To know things in you no one else knows

I want to love you as patient and kind

I want to love you body soul and mind 

When Words Collide

When words collide the grenade goes off and fragments flyDiminished meanings, misunderstood feelings leave dreadful endings.

words mean nothing when clashing, just plain old jibberish and time wasting.

Sounds blurred by the wrong verbal prescription produce communication annihilation engaged by stubborn fixations of being right

Mental battles ensue in pursuit of the end of the lingual fight

Tongues lash at each other like dogs in a fight, resentment wounds that can’t heal overnight leave brittle word warriors to ponder what might

What words to launch next in and out of spite.

What tongue tactics to lay back with as the oppositions counter attacks miss

Miscued notions envelope mislead feelings. the once ever repetitive and evernew “we” crushed into a complulsive so impulsive “me” and “I”

The blind word shot from the pistol of pride deflected by a sheild of ego let’s the solution hide behind the eyes

The fault is an unsolved mystery of mind but it’s launched from self to shelf so guilt is never dealt

In the end after the debri has cleared when the smoke and dust have settled notice the casulties were few

The count came back as a total of two

Me and you