Love Therapy

Couples who have been together for a while, and new partners wondering how to make it last, love has revolutions that must be completed. There will come a time when you must go deep as one determined unit, past transgressions and inadvertent wounds to rediscover the magic and essence of your individual couplehood.

Destroy & Rebuild Foundations

In relationships, we must be aware not everything old is compatible with the new. Things that have worked for us in our past, may not work in our future or present relationships. Your partnership is much like a house built from the ground up. If you want that house to last, it requires a strong foundation. Lots of people build their homes using the blueprints of old, outdated foundations, then they move in and everything slowly falls apart. The house is eventually destroyed, but the foundation laid remains until they decide to build a new one.

The entire process of destroying and rebuilding foundations starts with constructing your personal foundation. Prepare yourself with patience and understanding, identify what it is that you are searching for and practice articulating your needs to whomever it is you decide to be involved with. You must also have the ability to recognize when a person isn’t on the same page as you and then make the proper adjustments as necessary, which may mean limiting interactions, or calls. You should also strive for learning to convey the reason for your adjustment. It is crucial that after you make any form of adjustment that you remain firm in your decision.

Make sure you build your foundation with constructive qualities and beliefs. A constructive foundation embodies what you need, which allows you to express your needs to potential partners without forcing them to compromise their own values. Because they keep their sense of self, it permits them to give to you confidently and comfortably. Nobody enjoys feeling as if they are being taken from, drained, or compromised, so be sure to make it easy for people to want to give to you.

It isn’t difficult for a person to recognize another person who has a solid foundation, that’s because you will project an outward expression of an embodied stronghold. Your confidence, mannerisms, and ability to communicate will manifest themselves more effectively  because of your strengthened foundation. Only those who have built strong foundations have the ability to withstand the weathering of a real relationship so, build on to yourself before attempting to construct with another person.

Diminishing Misconceptions

Many of us enter into our relationships believing in certain concepts of love that could potentially damage the welfare of our relationships. These misconceptions place expectations on our partners that they may or may not have the capacity to deliver, and when they fail to meet those expectations we resent our partners and blame love. As we grow in our relationships, misconceptions such as “love is a two-way street” or “love doesn’t hurt” should be ruled null and void because they don’t apply in a real relationship.

Love in it’s most simplistic definition is “charity.” Charity is a gift from one party to another without any payment or gift anticipated in return. When we define love as “charity” it never becomes a two-way street, in fact, love is often a one way street with a stop light. It’s necessary to regulate just how much love you are giving out because giving too much of yourself can cause you to either forget about your own needs or may cause you to be taken advantage of. When love is working the way it was designed to work, that’s where the two-way street manifests, two people giving freely of themselves. It is not you give me some then I’ll give some back. Similar to a highway, sometimes one side has traffic and the other side is flowing. Love fluctuates.

Another misconception is that “love doesn’t hurt.” Love hurts for the better. The very idea of love forces us to break bad habits, do things we normally don’t do, and above all, it forces us to be vulnerable. There will always be moments when love hurts because nothing good comes without hard work and the willingness to take a potentially painful risk. Love is an action meant to be performed over and over again; some of us get it right the first or second time around, but others have to learn the painful lessons it takes to become intimate with love and learn how to apply what we’ve learned to the necessary areas.

Maintaining Consistency

Lack of consistency is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. This is the reason why our partners may say, “He doesn’t do the things he used to do”, or  “She’s not the same person I remember.” Consistency is vital to our relationships’ success. Consistency, by one definition, means “an agreement or harmony of parts or features to one another or a whole.” So ask yourself, what are we agreeing on? and where is our harmony that is necessary for a successful relationship?

Four Key Practices

Love in Communication: Hone communicating your feelings regardless of fear or doubt. Do this knowing it means progress and understanding when you are being communicated to as well.

Love in relations: Show love in this area not just sexually, but find what makes each of you feel appreciated. When you do this neither you or your partner will feel burdened when giving.

Love in confrontation: Even when you’re disagreeing, show love. Never use hurtful information against each other because you erode your partner’s sense of trust that they can’t be intimate with you. Find a way to argue productively towards a solution or just listen to what’s being said.

Believing in the Existence of Love: The biggest and most powerful lie we can tell ourselves is that love doesn’t exist or it doesn’t work. Find a way to destroy the barriers keeping you from loving and love selflessly and abundantly,  and you’ll rarely be unsatisfied.

Human beings instinctively seek the most comfortable and pleasurable circumstances, elements that are naturally consistent within our personalities. With a combination of life experience and external influence, we develop an internal persona which influences our perspectives, decisions and attractions. We then let this persona develop our idea of love, which serves to become an item of our basic instinct: the yearning to be satiated.

People continuously change within relationships, however, love does not change. In order to have a sense of consistency, we must embody a synonymous definition of love. As we hold on to our definition, our personalities will mature, but the actions we took at the beginning of our relationship will never go away because they will grow as we do.

Our agreement to love another produces a harmony between two hearts and minds; it allows us to apply every variable of love to each other consistently. This doesn’t mean there won’t be issues within the relationship, (every relationship has them), but it does mean issues will be solved with love, that troubles should be resolved productively. Maintain your consistency by upholding your agreement to love and fight against your selfish instincts. Love is a living thing, which thrives as you provide for its care. The more you place your relationship into love, the more love places itself into you.

Appreciation & Reassurance
Men and women have many incentives to love, however, there are two in particular that are constant necessities in any relationship. Appreciation and reassurance. Each of these qualities are love’s fuel and glue and need to be exercised often in any relationship. Although men and women have a different demand for each of the two, women, I believe, are more in need of reassurance, as men are more in need of appreciation.
Because women instinctively love through their ability to communicate feelings of love and spending quality time with their partners, they have little issue reassuring. Men, on the other hand, naturally love through their ability to provide, protect and physically please, so appreciation is one of men’s natural gifts. Again, this is my opinion. Both men and women should be proactive in learning how to give to each others love in this respect.
Without these elements, resentment can be created, which may cause other aspects of the relationship to deteriorate, communication, for example. If one isn’t receiving these necessities, the resentment may cause a person’s ability to communicate from a place of love to be diminished and therefore, to become ineffective.
Conversely, appreciation and reassurance encourage a a cycle of building trust within a relationship, which ultimately guides the two of you into true intimacy. Intimacy, being the final and most important part of any relationship as well as the most difficult to attain if the prerequisites haven’t been met. Lovers must keep appreciation and reassurance in mind at all times if they truly wish to take their relationship to the next level.
Setting Boundaries & Gaining Understanding
In our generation’s relationship practices, we see a lot boundaries being crossed as well as the presence of stubbornness ruining the stability of relationships. It is more than necessary to establish how far you are willing to go for the sake of your relationship, and even more necessary to learn to understand the other. There are too many people who have no discernible perimeter for what they will do to keep their relationship, due to the fear of starting over or being alone. At the same time, people define too many limitations for what their partner cannot do in their relationship. Relationships can’t function under those kinds of circumstances.
It is of the greatest importance to maintain your own identity within your relationship. Any and all relationships are a sum of two parts working together and should remain two parts to continue being considered a relationship. The feeling of love can be a consuming one. If you are taken by that feeling to a point where you are no longer an independent operator in your relationship it may result in your being drained of an ability to be conscious of boundaries you shouldn’t cross. You will do things because you “love” them, ignore signs that are obvious to everyone observing them and blame yourself for problems that arise in your situation (I reference “situation” because at this level your relationship has ceased).
Gaining understanding in a relationship is vital. To know your partner’s habits, likes, and dislikes is one thing, but to understand why they are important to them is far more important. Understanding must be reached in relationships, or resentments could potentially damage the relationship. Arguments and misunderstandings are inevitable in all relationships, however, they are just learning experiences. Remembering this may help you during your next disagreement.
Certain boundaries need to be discussed in relationships, especially as sexual romance is concerned. Many people are not willing and/or comfortable fulfilling certain of their partner’s sexual desires. Discuss these challenges and settle upon a mutual agreement.
Once these boundaries are set and understanding is achieved, the lines of communication become clearer and resolution easier. All of these items work together in love and should be exercised consciously.
Reaching for Intimacy
The most important step in our love relationships is reaching intimacy. Defined as “the acquiring of a deep unusual understanding of a person”, reaching intimacy requires the constant study of your partner’s mental, emotional and physical conditions to understand their being.
It requires trust in your most vulnerable areas, too: forgiveness and sacrificing your will for the sake of love.
Intimacy doesn’t happen magically or suddenly; it requires absolute commitment to not just the “titles” to which many of us apply so much substance. It requires the decision to put your hands to the plow and cultivate your love regardless the season. If you have no trust or fear of being vulnerable you will find it impossible to acquire the experience of an intimate love. But you must first make yourself available to it and then stick with it.
You must be proud of your relationship as you give up being prideful. Accept the possibility of being wrong. Know what roles you play, and give your partner your best effort.

Treasure

As I journeyed into the wilderness looking for you

I encountered amazing internal treasures roaming in the solitude
They were like flower beds of silver and gold
They were like trees of life that never grew old
They were still like the earth but powerful too
They were soft like silk
Sweet like honey and milk
Dazzling colors of fairy tales flowed from the lakes of my spirit well
I had been made well
If this life wore a watch time could tell
On the other side of my journey
There were days that felt like nights
Times I had to fight the beasts of fear with all my might
Moments I laid spent wondering if I chose the left path instead of the right
Staring at the sky under the blazing sun
Imagining how many sons conquered this plight
Sequestered in the depths of carnality
I had to die to live and save my sanity
In my death I found the revelries in humility
I found the serenity in surrender
Once I find you I’ll remember
That it took more than just desire
the day I realized I was more than a conqueror
The day I found works by faith
Life through death from grace
I found that love flowed in spiritual space

Let’s be outlaws, partners in crime

Let’s piss this country off by stepping out of the white lines

Let’s make a little more than noise when we open our mouths

Let’s make them acknowledge our voice

Until we are free in this land let’s stand and be brave

Let’s be outlaws even if they chase us to our graves

Let’s go out on a limb and lynch this oppression

Let us remind them that freedom doesn’t lie and equality doesn’t come in the form of blue collar professions

Let’s be outlaws and sing our own anthem

With fist held high and tight

Voices of the martyrs rise up for the fight

Let’s be outlaws and rebuild what they tore down

Oh say can you see it’s not time to back down

As when they slept peacefully till dawns early light

Our families planned our survival through the night

Therefore because of them I execute my right, I fight.

When Words Collide

When words collide the grenade goes off and fragments flyDiminished meanings, misunderstood feelings leave dreadful endings.

words mean nothing when clashing, just plain old jibberish and time wasting.

Sounds blurred by the wrong verbal prescription produce communication annihilation engaged by stubborn fixations of being right

Mental battles ensue in pursuit of the end of the lingual fight

Tongues lash at each other like dogs in a fight, resentment wounds that can’t heal overnight leave brittle word warriors to ponder what might

What words to launch next in and out of spite.

What tongue tactics to lay back with as the oppositions counter attacks miss

Miscued notions envelope mislead feelings. the once ever repetitive and evernew “we” crushed into a complulsive so impulsive “me” and “I”

The blind word shot from the pistol of pride deflected by a sheild of ego let’s the solution hide behind the eyes

The fault is an unsolved mystery of mind but it’s launched from self to shelf so guilt is never dealt

In the end after the debri has cleared when the smoke and dust have settled notice the casulties were few

The count came back as a total of two

Me and you   

 

The Wall

I want to gaze at the sunsets in your eyes
The beautiful zenith of twilights made perfect by the sunrises in your smile
I wish to kiss the silks of your lips as the gravity of your femininity pulls me into the galaxies of your embrace
I want to lose myself in the orbit of your sun kissed skin
Tasting the sweetness of your delicate design
Exciting the fullness of my masculinity
the journey into the universe of your mind is tantalizing
I wish to revel in the lightning of your hands because your touch is a sea of endless energy
You are more than a fantasy
You are a not so distant piece of reality separated only by this glass wall of invulnerability
Only by this wall

Love Sick

In the very moment I close my eyes your smile rushes to the surface of the darkness
Echoes of your laugh ring out through the noise of silence
I'm sick
I've taken I'll from your absence
I hope my cure exists in your presence
In my present condition I hunger for your connection
I thirst for your affection and I ache in places that can only be soothed by your attention
Pardon my aggression
My bleeding heart is only a symptom of this incorrigible condition
I burn internally for your energy
My dreams of you are all I have to medicate me
I have a fever measured in degrees of heartache
Intensely
Boiling blood rages through me
Each beat reminds me of a much needed remedy
I fear this sickness is consuming me
My vision becomes more cloudy the more I live with this suffering
I am but a candle nearing the end of its wick
And when I burn out wonder not of where I went
Know that I was simply freed of being love sick

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Love of My Lifetime

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My heart cringes at the notion of loving another soul
Firmly planted like roots deep in the earth
Your beauty illuminates my universe
And if God can love me infinitely more than this
So small a piece of love that is my gift
O you that ignites this passion
And you who’s light I long to bask in
In me there is no depth that you do not live in
For you there is no height I would not climb
And if you need my eyes to see this then take them I’d rather love blind
I’d rather touch the beauty of my devotion than see you and feel the distance of oceans
I’d rather just listen to the fullness of love than see hollow tears spill from the wounds inside
I’d rather die than live without the love of my lifetime

Courageous

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I stood out on an aerie of hope
Staring over a restless sea of wonder
Crashes of lighting followed roars of thunder
My masculinity challenged by earthly obstacles yonder
Sequestered in questions doubting my ability to conquer
Was I yet a man or was I wrestling with the sins of my father
Uncertainty grew like weeds at my feet
I was at war with a dark inside of me
The battle in my mind had been wounding me for years
Was I man or boy will I die and stay right here
I decided to fight and my answer rang clear
The sea became calm and my skies became clear
I heard my fathers voice whisper in my ear
There can be no courage without the presence of fear

Just Another Casualty

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I surrendered myself because my heart was broken
I wasn’t wise enough to understand that tangible bliss would deceive me
So I began to love something that
Contained immeasurable impurity
I carried the fractured pieces of my heart like blurred memories
Each one contained remnants of some dreadful treachery
I often held them up to the sun to reminisce in the moments where I was armored in manhood for the sake of another’s nothings
I tarried in their somber melodies
Disappearing in the shadows of soul binding melancholy
Daily I’d lay my heart down and whisper a thousand apologies because
I took the power of love and failed to live its responsibility
Fully aware the wounds will heal but reminded by the scars for eternity
I live with one regret
That I was just another casualty

Grow Where You’re Planted

If you plant or allow to be planted a seed of love in someone’s or your own heart that seed will live as long as it is fed. It will grow and produce fruit and like any fruit bearing tree but there is a season where those fruit will not be available to eat. That tree isn’t dead and you should not uproot and plant somewhere else. It means that the tree is conserving it’s energy for the winter so that it expands it’s life. Only for a short time will it not have leaves or bear any fruit. So Grow where your love is planted, allow your love to expand its life by enduring through the winter

Our relationships are fruit bearing trees. Each person has a seed of love that gets planted and each moment is a nurturing moment for that seed. Our affections, time, our willingness to give our trust to another person. All these things contribute to the growth and preservation of our tree. A relationship has seasons as well. Spring, summer, fall, and winter; each comes with their own unique experiences.

Spring; the time of blossoming love. The time you watch that small bud open up into something magnificent. Its perfect, flawless, and it feels as tho it’ll never change. Each day it opens up a little more and gets a little more spectacular and it’s blissful. It’s young, new and vibrant and it’s everything you’d hoped it could be. You see no other tree, you want no other fruit.

Summer; the time where love reaches the heavens. It gives you sweet, delectable fruit, ripe and pleasing in every way. You visit and spend time under the shade of this tree, you take comfortable afternoon naps, and there is no peace like this place. It becomes your favorite place. You open up to it as it has for you. Your tree becomes a part of who you are.

Fall; love begins to stop giving you it’s fruits. It’s leaves show you different colors and they begin to drop to the ground. The colors are unique and consistently changing, dying it seems. It no longer provides for you and doesn’t look as beautiful as it once did. It takes nearly everything away but it’s presence and a shell of what it once was.

Winter; loves conservation time. It’s dry and quiet, distant in fact. It lets you do nothing to change the state it’s in. It tests your loyalty, patience, and faith that it will once again give you what it once did. It does not budge, it only stands there ignoring you and what you think it should be. It sleeps but it remains. You’ll see other trees with their leaves just as green as they were in the spring, summer, and even fall. Those trees can’t feed you their life, but they live. Your tree still stands barren and it angers you, treats you as though you never loved it and it never loved you but it still stands there proud and arrogant. You feel abandoned, you question if you caused it to take it all away, you begin to doubt, and want to give up on it. Do you?

Love takes each relationship on a journey. It’s perfect, we aren’t. It requires us to wait on it and it rewards us in seasons. It teaches us the things that allow us to appreciate it, it rewards us for being faithful and patient. We often blame love when our trees die but love doesn’t leave, we do! In times of winter when OUR wants aren’t being met, when love needs to conserve so that we can learn and grow. We can’t shed our leaves and stand as a tree. Quiet and perseverant. Committed, devoted, and unyielding like a tree we should stand. Love doesn’t leave, we do!