You're like an unsheathed sword whose blade has countless nicks It glistens with blood, encroached by rust A half broken blade with a lethal crack You give into fear unable to face your grief You turn away from love in utter disbelief You'd rather die lonely in the cold Than be refined by hammer under fire You are but a days end away from being thin as wire You are one rain drop away from snapping in two I was to be a sheath to you to support, guard and be one with you To let your jagged edges rest in my spirit To be refined by the fire in my soul Forgive me for my absence I fell at the wayside of pride Shrouded in ego Encumbered by unconscious paradigms With the image of God created in me I should have known the power of your femininity All that it is gave meaning to my masculinity For out of man you came to be Now all of you lives inside of me We are whole and complete and lacking nothing Having been made one in each other We have become as lightning and thunder At the hand of love We are one because of the other
Wow, its already mid December and I can’t say I’m sad about it. This year has been the most difficult, crazy, heartbreaking, most exciting year of my life. I’ve learned more about me in the last 12 months than I have in my whole 26 years of living, mostly because of a tremendous fall I had to take and the difficult climb to make it back to sanity. 2014 began with heartbreak. The kind where you lose yourself trying to figure out what the fuck just happened, blindsided by your own trust and life had no safety net for you. THAT KIND!
Needless to say I recovered! I got responsible, the strength I took from that experience made me a whole new man. All things do work together for the good to them that love god. I got focused and began writing again, I got back in school, and surprisingly I was asked to be the leader of the mens group at my church. I started studying the word of god more and I’ve been learning more and more about what being a man of god really means. To be excited about responsibility, commitment, and love. To expect that this world is designed to test and temp me in the areas that I am weakest so I have to guard myself accordingly. I stopped “Turning up” as much and I got in the gym. taking better care of my body became very important to me as well as a stress reliever.
My desire to live a purposeful life grew into joy and I became committed to that. I discovered that finding myself required me to give more of what I already possessed and not keep it in. The hardest part about that was being able to admit when I had an emotional response to something that upset me. I’ve always been the indestructible nothing could hurt me type of person and I knew more than anyone that wasn’t true. I tried to find the easiest ways to express those negative emotions until I had to just say F#*k it and just say it raw. Freedom came with that kind of openness because I no longer had to lie to myself or anyone else by saying “I’m fine”. I couldn’t live like that and say I’m committed to growth, it’s difficult but its making me better.
The thing I have to say I’ve despised about 2014 is the dating life! its like I have been in a coma and come out to discover relationships have been broken down into sex, food, and money. chivalry isn’t dead but it sure is in critical condition, so much so that if you are even half-decent your motives are highly questionable because people are so accustomed to the relationship goal of laying in a bed full of tax money. No one speaks of marriage or having found someone they are comfortable being vulnerable with. Relationships have become a game of who can last longer without being the one to blame when shit hits the fan. I am not about that life.
2014 has been very much hated and appreciated. I am grateful to still be alive, to still have the opportunity to get closer to my true self, and to still have a heart made for loving. I’ll be taking my lessons into 2015 and leaving the other baggage in 2014 where it was made. Thank you 2014 but GOODBYE!!
Commitment- “Sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose”. A man has to blatantly walk in the shoes of his responsibility, he has to commit to the role of manhood, and constantly sacrifice himself with discernment. He must understand that he will be tempted therefore he must wield restraint. This commitment is not of convenience, not in pursuit to be good, but of desperate desire to be great.
This commitment is a prerequisite to all the fundamental things to come in his life. Before he is a husband he must first be a man, before he is a father he must first be a man, before he is chosen to lead he must first be a man and you learn to be a man by following one, there are no shortcuts. He must learn to accept his mistakes and learn from them, he must learn to be wronged and yet forgive, he must learn to love and be satisfied when it’s not returned. His commitment must be long-suffering.
A man, next to god, is his own deliverer from his own folly. A man who disregards the things that are right seals his own fate into stagnation. His decision to pursue true manhood guarantees His freedom into wisdom. He has to be committed to himself, he has to commit to being a man.
A man isn’t defined by his wealth, his sexual conquests, or even his abilities. A man becomes a man when he submits himself under the proper authority. A man is disciplined and seeks counsel, a man exhibits humility and patience, he is not a servant of himself but a servant of Gods will. The commitment in this requires faith of the highest degree and cannot be swayed by the stresses of his life. A man is a leader not a tyrant who imposes his will onto others, but a man who lives for others and what is just.