Love is…

Love is the only thing that you can still have after you’ve given it all away. When you allow it to flow through you freely, sincerely, without polluting it with selfish desires, it leaves itself behind like a residue. It permanently marks your soul as a gift of appreciation, transforming you into a physical manifestation of itself. It changes you because you allowed yourself to submit to its will and not forcing it to conform to your own desire to be loved. Most of us never get here with love because we lack the understanding of what is required to have it. 

Most people seek out things like money, power, fame and popularity for a sense of happiness because they believe getting someone to love them where they’re at has proved far too difficult to ever be attained. They believe that affectation of love and begin to do these things becoming even more stressed out, filled with even more with feelings of loneliness and unfulfilled longing. They continuously subject themselves to self-abuse and betrayal because the fear of giving without any reciprocation seems like far too expensive a price for them. The insecurity of even receiving love without an expectation of service causes people to reject the love they desire so desperately and isolate themselves from it. 

Because Love is specific. Because Love is constant. We must realize that Love is alive and quite unconcerned with sensual feelings even though it evokes them with its power. Love is a thought of consideration. Love is an act of selflessness. Love is courageous despite the risks and sometimes, Love has to get us past ourselves to get us to see that we are the very thing in the way of its victory in our lives. We have to come to the understanding that love is solely an outward moving force and the more we allow it to flow outwardly the more we become in tune with it, attracting it like a lightning rod. It is Truth, it is not concerned with being right but rather with what is right, it covers people’s mistakes not highlight them for the world to see, it corrects with gentleness and allows the truth to have the conviction in others lives. 

When people truly become lovers they will begin to leave behind their need of external approval, they will begin to seek out understanding instead of opportunities to judge and divide. People who love from the pure places in their hearts love from a place of connection to all without the need for control. They become the very empath they always needed, they become someone’s strength, their hope, and most importantly; they shine a light for those who still struggle in the darkness of doubt. 

These Good hearted people possess an outward expression of an internal stronghold. They have internalized a form of moral excellence that won’t allow them to be anything else but patient and kind. They face their trials with the kind of fearlessness that lets you know for certain that they have made it through worse. They personify courage in the wilderness of life, they love because of their ability to understand that they don’t need to see the end of the road to know they are going the right way. Love is the only thing that can kill you and give you life at the same time. 

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Let’s be outlaws, partners in crime

Let’s piss this country off by stepping out of the white lines

Let’s make a little more than noise when we open our mouths

Let’s make them acknowledge our voice

Until we are free in this land let’s stand and be brave

Let’s be outlaws even if they chase us to our graves

Let’s go out on a limb and lynch this oppression

Let us remind them that freedom doesn’t lie and equality doesn’t come in the form of blue collar professions

Let’s be outlaws and sing our own anthem

With fist held high and tight

Voices of the martyrs rise up for the fight

Let’s be outlaws and rebuild what they tore down

Oh say can you see it’s not time to back down

As when they slept peacefully till dawns early light

Our families planned our survival through the night

Therefore because of them I execute my right, I fight.

We Are One

You're like an unsheathed sword whose blade has countless nicks

It glistens with blood, encroached by rust

A half broken blade with a lethal crack

You give into fear unable to face your grief

You turn away from love in utter disbelief 

You'd rather die lonely in the cold

Than be refined by hammer under fire

You are but a days end away from being thin as wire 

You are one rain drop away from snapping in two

I was to be a sheath to you

to support, guard and be one with you

To let your jagged edges rest in my spirit

To be refined by the fire in my soul 

Forgive me for my absence

I fell at the wayside of pride

Shrouded in ego

Encumbered by unconscious paradigms

With the image of God created in me

I should have known the power of your femininity 

All that it is gave meaning to my masculinity 

For out of man you came to be

Now all of you lives inside of me

We are whole and complete and lacking nothing 

Having been made one in each other

We have become as lightning and thunder 

At the hand of love 

We are one because of the other

Thank you 2014 but GOODBYE!

Wow, its already mid December anddirection I can’t say I’m sad about it. This year has been the most difficult, crazy, heartbreaking, most exciting year of my life. I’ve learned more about me in the last 12 months than I have in my whole 26 years of living, mostly because of a tremendous fall I had to take and the difficult climb to make it back to sanity. 2014 began with heartbreak. The kind where you lose yourself trying to figure out what the fuck just happened, blindsided by your own trust and life had no safety net for you. THAT KIND!

Needless to say I recovered! I got responsible, the strength I took from that experience made me a whole new man. All things do work together for the good to them that love god. I got focused and began writing again, I got back in school, and surprisingly I was asked to be the leader of the mens group at my church. I started studying the word of god more and I’ve been learning more and more about what being a man of god really means. To be excited about responsibility, commitment, and love. To expect that this world is designed to test and temp me in the areas that I am weakest  so I have to guard myself accordingly. I stopped “Turning up” as much and I got in the gym. taking better care of my body became very important to me as well as a stress reliever.

My desire to live a purposeful life grew into joy and I became committed to that. I discovered that finding myself required me to give more of what I already possessed and not keep it in. The hardest part about that was being able to admit when I had an emotional response to something that upset me. I’ve always been the indestructible nothing could hurt me type of person B-Epiphanyand I knew more than anyone that wasn’t true. I tried to find the easiest ways to express those negative emotions until I had to just say F#*k it and just say it raw. Freedom came with that kind of openness because I no longer had to lie to myself or anyone else by saying “I’m fine”. I couldn’t live like that and say I’m committed to growth, it’s difficult but its making me better.

The thing I have to say I’ve despised about 2014 is the dating life! its like I have been in a coma and come out to discover relationships have been broken down into sex, food, and money. chivalry isn’t dead but it sure is in critical condition, so much so that if you are even half-decent your motives are highly questionable because people are so accustomed to the relationship goal of laying in a bed full of tax money. No one speaks of marriage or having found someone they are comfortable being vulnerable with. Relationships have become a game of who can last longer without being the one to blame when shit hits the fan. I am not about that life.

2014 has been very much hated and appreciated. I am grateful to still be alive, to still have the opportunity to get closer to my true self, and to still have a heart made for loving. I’ll be taking my lessons into 2015 and leaving the other baggage in 2014 where it was made. Thank you 2014 but GOODBYE!!

let-go

Crucifiction

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Without consent without desire
My heart fell in my heart caught fire
Without a care without concern
My heart stayed there it felt good to feel it burn
Consumed entangled and engulfed
It craved nothing because the burn was good enough
Passion filled hypnotism
Surpassed all doubts ignored all criticism
It never mattered how far you were
I was only concerned with how you were
Which is why it was no problem to give to you
This heart of mine as a gift so true
I wish I were able to give a light to her
That always leads her right back to how we were
When I first fell in love with her
Her in love with me
We were each others celebrity
So we celebrated love for weeks
That turned to months which created years
Fears we didn’t have them
Tears we didn’t shed them
We knew all was for the better
So we got better and made it through
This was the dream I had for me and you
But I made our love a masquerade
Hid my face behind a mask
I hid my love cloaked in shade
Put it in a case and locked it up with no escape
I made sure it was in a place you’d never find
Out of side is out of mind
Now the realest truth I’ll ever know is
That your love became my greatest foe
It beat me bare down to my bone
Snatched the light right out my soul
I yearned and howled to be loosed
I feared my resort lied in a noose
The pain and aches your love gave
Sent me spiraling towards my grave
Nightmares now opress my dreams
Midnight sweats awake midbreath screams
Lonely tears full of pain and fears
Shut down my love slowed all it’s gears
The evolution of my misery
Was not a quiet profound mystery
It came ever so slow ever so prominent
I was naive it was my bed I chose to lie in it
The day you let yourself give up on us
Became the night that love crucified the trust
High upon the cross for love
No ground below no sky above
There was no knowledge of what this meant
Just the pain left over from loves abandonment
I died that moment high in suspension
A victim of the pain from loves crucifiction..