The Importance of Humility in Relationships

If you are humble in your relationship your mistakes will eventually bring you wisdom and your temporary discomforts will eventually make you more patient. Life is matter of perception and a humble mind knows that perfection isn’t real to us, it’s a deception that causes us to feel inadequate despite our insatiable desire and effort to feel fulfilled. A strong mind gains the capacity to perceive discomfort differently and our feelings towards it begin to change. We begin to learn to resolve things in healthier ways. 

Truth be told, the majority of our pain comes from people who are close to us or those we want to be close to. How we choose to handle that weight depends on our ability to balance how we think with how we feel. How we think must be able to match the weight of whatever level of emotion we experience. Strength of mind considers; “is the way I feel more important to me than my relationship?”, “Do I believe that was done intentionally to hurt me?”, “why am I offended?”. My dad always told me “Anger lies at the end of a mans ability to reason”. Weaker minds fall into anger and resentment. They begin to feel they are owed recompense for their discomfort. 

“Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct will pursue his principles unto death” – Thomas Paine

The principle of humility reminds us that everyone deserves grace and mercy. Possessing the understanding that although you may not make the same mistakes as someone else, you make your own, so compassionate, empathetic love is always necessary. In our relationships we must always position our pride in places of productivity because pride will always tell us that we are the most important piece and we deserve to be regarded in the highest esteem. We must keep a sense of pride in ourselves yet not be prideful to the point where we diminish the value of our counterparts in our relationships. Having a firm grasp of what humility does for relationships helps maintain the health and promotes growth in our relationships. 

Too often in relationships we surrender ourselves to hypocrisy. We engage in things that we’d otherwise police if it were our partners doing them. We become the humblers instead of the humble. We become enforcers instead of partners because we put ourselves, our feelings, our expectations over our partners and our relationships. When how we feel outweighs our ability to reason we lose the equality and begin to desire compensation for those bad feelings. 

Being conscious of the equality of our partners allows us to resolve the conflicts in our relationships in ways that allow both to feel heard and understood. It opens our minds to be considerate of our partners perceptions and causes us to challenge our own to find the best resolution for our relationships. We learn to understand the stress of that discomfort promotes growth when we exercise our humility. Instead of assigning fault we begin to actually listen to how our partners feel and why they feel what they feel. When can dispel any misunderstanding, clarify the intent of each other’s actions, and ultimately learn our partners more intimately. We learn that love can be present in comfort and in stress as long as both halves remain equal. Humility invites that equality. 

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Faith 101 

God establishes your faith

You find yourself drawn into some church on some odd Sunday because one of your friends or family members “dragged” or “pressured” you to go. You say ok and you go expecting church to be what you’ve always heard about, full of acts and phonies. Some how though, the worship seems to move you and you’re having emotional responses that you suppress cause you don’t want anyone to see you. You make it through it without dropping a tear, go you! You sit there and the preacher begins speaking his message and you’re uncomfortable because what he’s saying is reflecting what your life is taking you through. You suspect your family or friend has told him you were coming and gave him some background on you but they are not giving you any indicators they have when he speaks on your life. You’re thinking “this is crazy! How does he know this?!” And you begin to listen attentively cause he’s telling you theres a solution to your suffering. He tells you about his good friend Jesus and how he can change your life for eternity. You like the notion that your life can change and you start desiring it, you hear that all you have to do is believe that his good friend died for you that he will be your good friend and take care of you. Your mustard seed gets planted and you say yes. Faith has been established! 

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You come to acceptance of that faith and you come again and again and you’re high on what God has been doing for you. You are now saved sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost whoop whoop! No one can ever tell you God isn’t real, but there’s more! You have enrolled into the walk with Jesus Christ as his disciples had done and your lessons begin. God begins telling you to do things he wants you to do, they are hard and you don’t want to do them because they make you uncomfortable and you begin to wonder where that blissful time in God has gone where things just worked. Suddenly something happens that may hurt your feelings and you say “God why did you let that happen to me? Are you real? I thought you were supposed to protect me and make my life better?” 

God challenges your faith

If everything were to be fixed in your life and you were to have no more problems in your life would you really appreciate what God has given you? Would you stop sinning and actually be righteous and upright? Or would you take advantage of Gods gift and do what you wanted to do? Would you take his gift and only love yourself with it? He knows you’ll forget what he brought you out of so he sends you reminders of your weakness and his strength. Those reminders are always hard and just what you need to grow in him. He wants you to accept them and remember he loves you.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

‭‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4 ‭NKJV‬‬

Just like any teacher God assigns tests, but God isn’t like any teacher we know. He has a specific lesson plan made for each of us, that means your lessons may be more difficult (looking) than someone else’s. The lessons are meant to attack your weaknesses so that the enemy cannot defeat you with them. Healing your brokenness is that patience having its perfect work. You have to go through these trials to eliminate the strongholds the devil has established in you. Don’t resist God and give yourself over to the enemy because you want to feel good all the time. 

God builds your faith 

Once you understand the purposes of Gods trials you begin to recognize how faith operates, you start to understand that faith has to grow in you from that little seed of faith to a fruit bearing tree of faith but you have to water it right? You have to have faith in the little things of your life. Say you want a job, you pray that God gives it to you, you apply, you say “God is gonna let me have it”, you don’t get the job. Has God forsaken you? Has your faith failed? No! You pour more water on that seed. “I’m believing God has something better for me so I’ll keep praying and keep applying”. We don’t have a clue what God is doing but we must trust his timing and when he does deliver you’ll look back on that job you thought was for you and thank him that he didn’t give it to you because of how great the real blessing is. 

“For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.””

‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

And you are transformed by your faith in God
After believing, being tested, and growing by those tests you learn to question less and follow more. God has proven himself to you time and time again so you have confidence in him more than you ever had before. You worry less, you are comfortable in times of strife, and you’re full of joy when the rest of the world says you should be messed up with sadness. You know for certain God will use anything to move you forward. All those time you saw an end God opened a door that no man could close, you know just how weak you are and understand the duality of yourself. Your life is really changed. Your mind is really changed. You notice and other people notice as well. 

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

What God has done he will continue to do and we all must fight to get to that place of peace in God. Even in writing this I realize how far away I am from being a fully grown tree in Christ. Trusting God is by no means an easy task but continuing to walk with him will make it easier. Remembering where we started should be reassurance enough to know that we are different because of him. Remembering those things should be motivation enough to tell someone about him. Sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of not being good enough when we fail but fail to realize the success God has had even in our failures. He knows and understands fully what we are going through and that’s why He never forsakes us. Whoever believes is going to be made whole, so remember what God has done and just keep going.