The Importance of Humility in Relationships

If you are humble in your relationship your mistakes will eventually bring you wisdom and your temporary discomforts will eventually make you more patient. Life is matter of perception and a humble mind knows that perfection isn’t real to us, it’s a deception that causes us to feel inadequate despite our insatiable desire and effort to feel fulfilled. A strong mind gains the capacity to perceive discomfort differently and our feelings towards it begin to change. We begin to learn to resolve things in healthier ways. 

Truth be told, the majority of our pain comes from people who are close to us or those we want to be close to. How we choose to handle that weight depends on our ability to balance how we think with how we feel. How we think must be able to match the weight of whatever level of emotion we experience. Strength of mind considers; “is the way I feel more important to me than my relationship?”, “Do I believe that was done intentionally to hurt me?”, “why am I offended?”. My dad always told me “Anger lies at the end of a mans ability to reason”. Weaker minds fall into anger and resentment. They begin to feel they are owed recompense for their discomfort. 

“Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct will pursue his principles unto death” – Thomas Paine

The principle of humility reminds us that everyone deserves grace and mercy. Possessing the understanding that although you may not make the same mistakes as someone else, you make your own, so compassionate, empathetic love is always necessary. In our relationships we must always position our pride in places of productivity because pride will always tell us that we are the most important piece and we deserve to be regarded in the highest esteem. We must keep a sense of pride in ourselves yet not be prideful to the point where we diminish the value of our counterparts in our relationships. Having a firm grasp of what humility does for relationships helps maintain the health and promotes growth in our relationships. 

Too often in relationships we surrender ourselves to hypocrisy. We engage in things that we’d otherwise police if it were our partners doing them. We become the humblers instead of the humble. We become enforcers instead of partners because we put ourselves, our feelings, our expectations over our partners and our relationships. When how we feel outweighs our ability to reason we lose the equality and begin to desire compensation for those bad feelings. 

Being conscious of the equality of our partners allows us to resolve the conflicts in our relationships in ways that allow both to feel heard and understood. It opens our minds to be considerate of our partners perceptions and causes us to challenge our own to find the best resolution for our relationships. We learn to understand the stress of that discomfort promotes growth when we exercise our humility. Instead of assigning fault we begin to actually listen to how our partners feel and why they feel what they feel. When can dispel any misunderstanding, clarify the intent of each other’s actions, and ultimately learn our partners more intimately. We learn that love can be present in comfort and in stress as long as both halves remain equal. Humility invites that equality. 

Love Lasts Forever 

Pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure

So when it hurts will you remember that you promised me forever? 

Or will you acquiesce to fear and let it tell you that running is better?

Will you forget the love you felt the nights we spent wrapped together?

Does a bit of pain ring more true than the love we share together? 

Was your sacrifice of time more expensive than mine? 

You say you spent it a victim of crime

I say I spent it battling lies

Because I love you with much in mind

I know that your love won’t always feel divine 

I see that you are human but you are mine and in the times where we argue and fight I pray in secret for the love of you and I 

I know your hearts intent to love me without doubt or regret

And as you love I love you doubly 

Because you changed my heart the day we met

Yes pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure that’s why we make love in such a healthy measure 

So when it hurts you might remember

When I promised you I’ll leave you never 

Maybe just maybe we can look past the imperfect and somehow see that this love is so worth it 

It is my hearts desire to die so that it can live for you 

To appreciate this love because of all I took you through

Perhaps the pain is so great because great loves are not built with expiration dates 

Pain last a lot longer than pleasure but true love last a little longer than forever

Faith 101 

God establishes your faith

You find yourself drawn into some church on some odd Sunday because one of your friends or family members “dragged” or “pressured” you to go. You say ok and you go expecting church to be what you’ve always heard about, full of acts and phonies. Some how though, the worship seems to move you and you’re having emotional responses that you suppress cause you don’t want anyone to see you. You make it through it without dropping a tear, go you! You sit there and the preacher begins speaking his message and you’re uncomfortable because what he’s saying is reflecting what your life is taking you through. You suspect your family or friend has told him you were coming and gave him some background on you but they are not giving you any indicators they have when he speaks on your life. You’re thinking “this is crazy! How does he know this?!” And you begin to listen attentively cause he’s telling you theres a solution to your suffering. He tells you about his good friend Jesus and how he can change your life for eternity. You like the notion that your life can change and you start desiring it, you hear that all you have to do is believe that his good friend died for you that he will be your good friend and take care of you. Your mustard seed gets planted and you say yes. Faith has been established! 

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You come to acceptance of that faith and you come again and again and you’re high on what God has been doing for you. You are now saved sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost whoop whoop! No one can ever tell you God isn’t real, but there’s more! You have enrolled into the walk with Jesus Christ as his disciples had done and your lessons begin. God begins telling you to do things he wants you to do, they are hard and you don’t want to do them because they make you uncomfortable and you begin to wonder where that blissful time in God has gone where things just worked. Suddenly something happens that may hurt your feelings and you say “God why did you let that happen to me? Are you real? I thought you were supposed to protect me and make my life better?” 

God challenges your faith

If everything were to be fixed in your life and you were to have no more problems in your life would you really appreciate what God has given you? Would you stop sinning and actually be righteous and upright? Or would you take advantage of Gods gift and do what you wanted to do? Would you take his gift and only love yourself with it? He knows you’ll forget what he brought you out of so he sends you reminders of your weakness and his strength. Those reminders are always hard and just what you need to grow in him. He wants you to accept them and remember he loves you.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

‭‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4 ‭NKJV‬‬

Just like any teacher God assigns tests, but God isn’t like any teacher we know. He has a specific lesson plan made for each of us, that means your lessons may be more difficult (looking) than someone else’s. The lessons are meant to attack your weaknesses so that the enemy cannot defeat you with them. Healing your brokenness is that patience having its perfect work. You have to go through these trials to eliminate the strongholds the devil has established in you. Don’t resist God and give yourself over to the enemy because you want to feel good all the time. 

God builds your faith 

Once you understand the purposes of Gods trials you begin to recognize how faith operates, you start to understand that faith has to grow in you from that little seed of faith to a fruit bearing tree of faith but you have to water it right? You have to have faith in the little things of your life. Say you want a job, you pray that God gives it to you, you apply, you say “God is gonna let me have it”, you don’t get the job. Has God forsaken you? Has your faith failed? No! You pour more water on that seed. “I’m believing God has something better for me so I’ll keep praying and keep applying”. We don’t have a clue what God is doing but we must trust his timing and when he does deliver you’ll look back on that job you thought was for you and thank him that he didn’t give it to you because of how great the real blessing is. 

“For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.””

‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

And you are transformed by your faith in God
After believing, being tested, and growing by those tests you learn to question less and follow more. God has proven himself to you time and time again so you have confidence in him more than you ever had before. You worry less, you are comfortable in times of strife, and you’re full of joy when the rest of the world says you should be messed up with sadness. You know for certain God will use anything to move you forward. All those time you saw an end God opened a door that no man could close, you know just how weak you are and understand the duality of yourself. Your life is really changed. Your mind is really changed. You notice and other people notice as well. 

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

What God has done he will continue to do and we all must fight to get to that place of peace in God. Even in writing this I realize how far away I am from being a fully grown tree in Christ. Trusting God is by no means an easy task but continuing to walk with him will make it easier. Remembering where we started should be reassurance enough to know that we are different because of him. Remembering those things should be motivation enough to tell someone about him. Sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of not being good enough when we fail but fail to realize the success God has had even in our failures. He knows and understands fully what we are going through and that’s why He never forsakes us. Whoever believes is going to be made whole, so remember what God has done and just keep going. 

Mind Body Soul

I want to love you as God loves me

To be fully committed and unwavering 

I want to be close and intimate believing only the purity of your heart 

I want to love you as I love me

Fully forgiving and understanding 

Knowing that you too are like me

Deserving of a love everlasting

I want to grow in spirit and in truth

Having an intense desire and adoration for all that is you

To study pieces of you that helps me love you yesterday, today and forever

I want to be of one mind 

Focused on the finish line

I want to bear fruit with you

To learn to stand when I’ve done all I can 

I want to love you as God loves you 

To die so that you may live

To dwell within you wherever you go

To know things in you no one else knows

I want to love you as patient and kind

I want to love you body soul and mind 

The Moment I Most Needed a Dad

As a young boy your father is a mighty super hero who knows everything and can do all things. You rely on him for everything, he teaches you things and he makes you feel strong. My brother, sister and I were cared for by an Angel of a grandmother while our biological parents struggled with addictions to crack cocaine. It was a difficult period of time and it was our normal, we were used to having no men around, we were the men but we had no idea what “man” meant other than we were supposed to grow into one. Me as a young boy didn’t have one of those super hero fathers until I was around 11 years old when my brother, sister and I were taken in by my Aunt and her husband. 
That transition was pretty easy because I spent a lot of time there playing video games with my cousin so I was fairly comfortable. I hadn’t yet made the distinction between life without a father and life with one but that realization would soon come. With the new life came structure, discipline, and a sense of safety I never experienced. I was happy with my new life but I still hadn’t learned to trust my new Dad. He wasn’t like the men I was used to. He had a wife! What the hell was that? He cooked, He built things, helped us with homework, he talked kindly to us. I adjusted to the schedules, the chores, and going to church every Sunday because I had to. I adjusted to the rules of the house but I hadn’t adjusted to having a man around consistently directing my path, I just didn’t want to lose my safe place. I never felt like I needed him because I feared silently that it was only temporary, he would be gone at any moment. It was surreal.
It wasn’t until my fourteenth birthday that it became real to me that he was committed to being a dad to a boy that wasn’t his own. I, like any boy at 14 got a girlfriend and it just so happened that my birthday falls on the fifteenth of February. I asked him to let me go visit my girlfriend who stayed fairly close by for Valentine’s Day and that I would come home that night. I believe my curfew was at 10 but I never made it home because we fell asleep watching movies and I guess he did too. I was awakened to knocks on the door and it dawned on me that I wasn’t at home, I knew I was in trouble. I had to get home so I bolted to the door prepared to Houdini my way past whoever it was that was there but it was my uncle! I was paralyzed with fear but something amazing happened that day. The first words he said to me was “are you ok? You fell asleep didn’t you?”. I just nodded yes and he took me home. On the way home he never yelled, never threatened me with punishment, I think he saw that I knew I made a mistake and he understood. 
That moment changed everything for me. It was that moment I realized I was loved and cared for and that I didn’t have to worry about being left again. It was then I realized what a man was and that I wanted to be one myself. I wanted to be a dad one day, a husband, and a phenomenal leader just like him because nothing felt better than knowing I had someone to follow that would come find me if I lost my way. From then on I watched him and learned all that I could about being a man. I’m still learning. I think about what he’d say when I’m making some of the decisions I make. I hear his voice when I’m doing something I knew was not right. I treat people the way he treated me, without judgement and with love. I can think of so many moments where I needed a dad but the moment I most needed a dad was when I decided to learn how to be a man. 
Thanks Dad! 

 

When Words Collide

When words collide the grenade goes off and fragments flyDiminished meanings, misunderstood feelings leave dreadful endings.

words mean nothing when clashing, just plain old jibberish and time wasting.

Sounds blurred by the wrong verbal prescription produce communication annihilation engaged by stubborn fixations of being right

Mental battles ensue in pursuit of the end of the lingual fight

Tongues lash at each other like dogs in a fight, resentment wounds that can’t heal overnight leave brittle word warriors to ponder what might

What words to launch next in and out of spite.

What tongue tactics to lay back with as the oppositions counter attacks miss

Miscued notions envelope mislead feelings. the once ever repetitive and evernew “we” crushed into a complulsive so impulsive “me” and “I”

The blind word shot from the pistol of pride deflected by a sheild of ego let’s the solution hide behind the eyes

The fault is an unsolved mystery of mind but it’s launched from self to shelf so guilt is never dealt

In the end after the debri has cleared when the smoke and dust have settled notice the casulties were few

The count came back as a total of two

Me and you   

 

Fears labyrinth 

She’s a walking masquerade stuck behind many different faces trying to find the right one to replace the one that shows her pain

Her beautiful light dimmed by her inner fears, stricken by remnants of pain well rooted in her memories

Tears swallowed with shots of resentment, manipulation of the many are her due recompense

She knows he loves her, she knows he cares but the last time she thought it was love it was a joke

her countenance broke when the truth hit her 

Showered her in melancholy and left her with a life long memory of him 

Her light was dimmed by the darkness of turmoil, her plans foiled by inner confusion

Illusions plague her road to sanity

Gripped by despair unable to rid herself from calamities chains she mindlessly wonders in circles around her broken heart in search of it’s missing pieces

Pieces clinched in the fists of her past

Unconscious chains tangled in the weeds of her insecurities 

Notions of a forever make her cringe

The fear of vulnerability cripples her ability to trust 

What cannot be controlled must be done away with 

Trapped in a labyrinth of deception 

Mirrors with false reflections 

A hell for those who have eyes but still are too blind to see

The Workshops

Find me in the workshops of your mind

Building love on the foundation of your treasures

Feed me the bread of your devotion 

May you live in every part of me forever 

Quench my thirst with the wine of your lips

Allow me to revel in the inebriation of your touch 

Clinch your fist into my flesh 

Sink your teeth into my chest

Wrap your desire around my waist 

Plunge me deeper into your embrace

Lets dance in rhythmic energy

Let your eyes whisper the passions trapped inside by the necklace of my masculinity 

Burn me with the heat of your vibrating soul 

Ignite me 

Combine me with your femininity 

Emerge me

So should I find you in the dining room of our romance

Enticed by the fragrance of wine 

Feasting at the delicacies we made 

Enjoying the treasures of our love

I will remember the time spent in the workshops of your mind

Sea of Intimacy 

 It felt like I was floating through time

Weightlessly drifting downward  gently submerged in an unidentifiable sea 
I felt I hadn’t taken a breath in weeks but I was alive and full of energy 
I felt the subtle pull of a little something and I heard a drum most reminiscent of a heart beat
As I was listening 
I sensed the presence of another being and as I turned my gaze into the depths of this nothing 
I noticed you noticing me and I swear that moment was everything
I noticed the smile you couldn’t reject I noticed your control the instant it left 
And I think you noticed that I took my first breath 
I wondered if you noticed that you were the sunset of my loneliness 
The thing most hope for 
A safe place to land
I reached out my hand for certainty
Certainly our sense of touch would be the key to a divine alchemy or
A unity that retires father time and rewards us with our eternity 
Internally we’d embark on a journey for lovers 
Deeper into what was meant to be
It would feel like we were floating through time 
Weightlessly drifting downward 
Gently submerged in a sea of intimacy 
We wouldn’t come up for air for weeks and we would offer each other our life and energy
Who knew a sunset of loneliness would invite a sunrise of vulnerability 
A beautiful serendipity from a bit of hope
A beautiful heart singing the tone of my missing note

Battle of the Sexes

Naked: devoid of concealment or disguise
Enmity: progressive, active, and typically mutual hatred or ill will
  
These are two words that hold men and women’s relationships at a extreme impasse. The first: naked. To be open, honest and completely transparent with one another has been replaced with deceit, manipulation and infidelity. Our relationships lack longevity, endurance, and patience because we seek too much for ourselves. Love isn’t a giving thing but a matter of what you can do for me. We ask “what do you bring to MY table?”. A person must possess something to give in order to receive another persons love. They must constantly prove themselves worthy, draining themselves of their self worth and capacity to trust to be loved. It’s that or otherwise risk being replaced by someone with a full and willing drive to try to change them into their perfect mate. A reoccurring cycle that fuels the second word. Enmity.
Men and women have turned against one another in a battle of hurt or get hurt. Deep rooted disdain for one another from constantly being subjected to the same lies, selfish pride and anger, distrust and insecurity, fear and pain. What do you turn to when you give up on love and are full of hate? Power and control of course. Wealth creates the illusion of power and we all seek it to compensate for our deficiencies in one another. Whoever has the most wins. Whoever can get the one up faster wins. Who ever lets their guard down first loses. 
  
Men and women are conditioned at an early age to be unproductive within the God created structure of a relationship. The things men need to have in order to love a woman correctly are stripped from them before they even get a chance to know what they are. Emotions; Little boys are burdened with pressure to suppress any emotion other than anger. They are told that men don’t cry, men don’t show weakness, and men don’t express their feelings of being hurt. At the end of mans ability to reason is anger. Men get angry and fight, they yell, they get hurt and get even. 
Our girls are damaged in ways that cripple them in their futures. They are told that boys are not to be trusted, if they pick on them it means they are pretty and boys like them. Society doesn’t tell our girls that their beauty and worth lies within the depths of their ability to influence the good things in men but instead it tells our girls their sexuality is their power. To use it to manipulate the men they don’t trust, use it to rise public fame and adoration. Society pits women against other women with envy. It tells them that the only men worth having are the ones already in relationships so go take another girls man and brag about it. Nothing is more attractive to a woman that a “faithful” man. 
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Everyone is so focused on not getting hurt first. Hiding behind wall after wall, keeping themselves sheltered from their own natural feelings and needs just to have a sense of safety. We do all these things at the expense of our humanity, sacrificing the only thing that will heal the wounds that were inflicted in us long ago. Love. There are two things I repeat to myself and others who want a lasting relationship. 1. You’ll never find love hiding from pain. 2. Love done wrong may hurt for the moment but love done right heals for a lifetime. We have to learn how to love again or its gonna cost us more than it already has.