Love is…

Love is the only thing that you can still have after you’ve given it all away. When you allow it to flow through you freely, sincerely, without polluting it with selfish desires, it leaves itself behind like a residue. It permanently marks your soul as a gift of appreciation, transforming you into a physical manifestation of itself. It changes you because you allowed yourself to submit to its will and not forcing it to conform to your own desire to be loved. Most of us never get here with love because we lack the understanding of what is required to have it. 

Most people seek out things like money, power, fame and popularity for a sense of happiness because they believe getting someone to love them where they’re at has proved far too difficult to ever be attained. They believe that affectation of love and begin to do these things becoming even more stressed out, filled with even more with feelings of loneliness and unfulfilled longing. They continuously subject themselves to self-abuse and betrayal because the fear of giving without any reciprocation seems like far too expensive a price for them. The insecurity of even receiving love without an expectation of service causes people to reject the love they desire so desperately and isolate themselves from it. 

Because Love is specific. Because Love is constant. We must realize that Love is alive and quite unconcerned with sensual feelings even though it evokes them with its power. Love is a thought of consideration. Love is an act of selflessness. Love is courageous despite the risks and sometimes, Love has to get us past ourselves to get us to see that we are the very thing in the way of its victory in our lives. We have to come to the understanding that love is solely an outward moving force and the more we allow it to flow outwardly the more we become in tune with it, attracting it like a lightning rod. It is Truth, it is not concerned with being right but rather with what is right, it covers people’s mistakes not highlight them for the world to see, it corrects with gentleness and allows the truth to have the conviction in others lives. 

When people truly become lovers they will begin to leave behind their need of external approval, they will begin to seek out understanding instead of opportunities to judge and divide. People who love from the pure places in their hearts love from a place of connection to all without the need for control. They become the very empath they always needed, they become someone’s strength, their hope, and most importantly; they shine a light for those who still struggle in the darkness of doubt. 

These Good hearted people possess an outward expression of an internal stronghold. They have internalized a form of moral excellence that won’t allow them to be anything else but patient and kind. They face their trials with the kind of fearlessness that lets you know for certain that they have made it through worse. They personify courage in the wilderness of life, they love because of their ability to understand that they don’t need to see the end of the road to know they are going the right way. Love is the only thing that can kill you and give you life at the same time. 

The Urgency of Self-love

The Urgency of Self-love 

It’s a new era in this generation called “millennials”, the tech generation, the free spirits, and the “self-loved”. I am 100% pro learning to love yourself, I would love to see everyone who I cross energy with to experience the peace and joy that accompanies self-love, however, I think many people miss the purpose of what that (self-love) means. In this new era I’ve noticed a lot of the claims of self-love are coming from a sort of narcissistic, selfish, sometimes fearful place. The “I’m going to love me because no one deserves me” people, the “I’m going to love me because no one else will love me” people, or the “every time I’ve tried it fails so I’m all I got” self-love type of people. These are dangerous philosophies. 

The urgency of self-love that I believe people miss is the purpose to elevate the love for oneself in order to love someone else the way you love you. With unrepentant sincerity. Everyone wants a great love but we cannot for the life of us be one. We cannot give what we don’t have and so, often times, we create these affectations of love lacking the truth of it. We do good in order to get back, we love those that are easy to love, the ones that we agree with; there is no real sincerity in that kind of behavior. This is a generation that is constantly looking on the outside trying to find meaning for what’s on the inside; their desire to be loved, not realizing the lack of real love within is the cause of their confusion. You see people trying to satiate this desire with things and other peoples superficial attention, you notice they have no real sense of joy or peace because they aren’t being their authentic selves and they get exhausted. Some of these people often say things like “I don’t trust anyone”, “I’m focused on me”, “I’m about the money” and the like. They adopt principles that isolate instead of invite, keeping them from having to express humility or sincerity all the while exhorting “self love”. They are often overly sensitive, easily offended, inconsistent, uncommitted, and show no real interest others happiness if it doesn’t include a reward for them. 

There are those who are on the right path of self love but they struggle because of the company they keep. They wish to be influential love givers to the people they love and care about but those people don’t love and care about themselves the way they should to have the capacity to receive the truth of love they desire. These people usually end up corrupting their idea of self love that they are practicing simply because of their stubborn unwillingness to change their environment. I believe very firmly that you cannot learn to be different in the company of people desperately trying to stay the same. Those people want the benefit without the effort. A part of self love means severing connections with dead weight, destructive influences, and toxic relationships. You can only love people based on the quality of love you have for yourself and the quality of love people believe they deserve; these things have to match. Unfortunately, we have people who are dying trying to save people who can only be saved by themselves.

We forfeit our right to love for a twisted affectation of love that’s at best, and in part, sensually masturbatory. What I mean by that is we focus on just pleasing ourselves and feeling good. We stroke our own egos for a climactic attention high all the while holding on to a cynicism about love that includes anyone else because that kind of love has been defeated within us. We forfeit humility for pride because no one ever lifted us up, we forfeit courtesy because no one ever put us first, we forfeit patience because being offended is way easier than trying to understand, we forfeit honesty because we have been lied to when we allowed our hearts to lead, we forfeit forgiveness because we need to remember the pain in order to justify our condition, and we forfeit self-control because we feel like we deserve to revel in our lust for feeling good. These things corrupt our character, they corrupt the idea of love in its entirety and leaves us with a void of longing that will never be filled. We will become angrier, more bitter, more contemptuous, self seeking tyrants, turning into the very people we were betrayed by in turn betraying ourselves. 

Self-love embodies the character traits of humility, courtesy, patience, honesty, forgiveness, and self-control. It cannot be defeated by the decisions of other people, it cannot be swayed by their opinions, it will not lack in provision for you, and it surely will not keep you from loving other people. When we learn to accept the trials of life and learn to overcome these toxic philosophies that keep us prisoners to doubt and fear our perspectives on love will begin to change. We will stop feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with us, but everything to do with the condition of other peoples minds. Love is not the romanticized happily ever after that’s beat into our minds. Its rough, hard and takes time and effort that doesn’t always feel good. It’s a lifestyle that takes practice and study, it has to be who you are before it can be something you do. Although we may fail at it enough to frustrate us to the point of giving up, one thing remains true about love and its that love done wrong may hurt for the moment but love done right heals for a lifetime. That’s enough to keep going. 

This Began as a Letter 

I find joy in writing my affections to you.Transforming you into marvels of distant galaxies where the suns are blazing blue and the skies are lovely and crystal clear. I am in awe, feeling you as a force of nature where just one look at you moves me like an earthquake and my emotions rush over me like a hurricane. I experience great pleasure in inspiring your smile, it is as though I’m seeing my desires reflection personified in you. Never have I ever been made childlike in this way, where my imagination goes wild with creative explosions of passion filled short stories. You are a star in my eyes and because you shine so bright I can see the perfect potential resting in you like a seed in the earth waiting to be watered by the rain of my devotions. Even in the midst of fear I remain steadfast in my pursuit to find you in your essence. You are such a queen and I am but a king without one. When the nights are darkest and the quiet falls down around me like fog crawling into the golden gate, I send sweet supplications for you to high places where the universe is compelled to intervene on my behalf. Patiently nestled in the bosom of hope I tarry for your thoughts, I endure the risks of loss of time, I count the costs for your heart. I am convinced that in its time, all uncertainties will be made clear, that you will draw near, and that whatever fear rests in you will flee as I fill that void with comfort. So now, every day, I’m going to find a way to break away from the paradigms of the times and send you the only things that are truly mine. My words, my energy, and my time. 

Love Therapy

Couples who have been together for a while, and new partners wondering how to make it last, love has revolutions that must be completed. There will come a time when you must go deep as one determined unit, past transgressions and inadvertent wounds to rediscover the magic and essence of your individual couplehood.

Destroy & Rebuild Foundations

In relationships, we must be aware not everything old is compatible with the new. Things that have worked for us in our past, may not work in our future or present relationships. Your partnership is much like a house built from the ground up. If you want that house to last, it requires a strong foundation. Lots of people build their homes using the blueprints of old, outdated foundations, then they move in and everything slowly falls apart. The house is eventually destroyed, but the foundation laid remains until they decide to build a new one.

The entire process of destroying and rebuilding foundations starts with constructing your personal foundation. Prepare yourself with patience and understanding, identify what it is that you are searching for and practice articulating your needs to whomever it is you decide to be involved with. You must also have the ability to recognize when a person isn’t on the same page as you and then make the proper adjustments as necessary, which may mean limiting interactions, or calls. You should also strive for learning to convey the reason for your adjustment. It is crucial that after you make any form of adjustment that you remain firm in your decision.

Make sure you build your foundation with constructive qualities and beliefs. A constructive foundation embodies what you need, which allows you to express your needs to potential partners without forcing them to compromise their own values. Because they keep their sense of self, it permits them to give to you confidently and comfortably. Nobody enjoys feeling as if they are being taken from, drained, or compromised, so be sure to make it easy for people to want to give to you.

It isn’t difficult for a person to recognize another person who has a solid foundation, that’s because you will project an outward expression of an embodied stronghold. Your confidence, mannerisms, and ability to communicate will manifest themselves more effectively  because of your strengthened foundation. Only those who have built strong foundations have the ability to withstand the weathering of a real relationship so, build on to yourself before attempting to construct with another person.

Diminishing Misconceptions

Many of us enter into our relationships believing in certain concepts of love that could potentially damage the welfare of our relationships. These misconceptions place expectations on our partners that they may or may not have the capacity to deliver, and when they fail to meet those expectations we resent our partners and blame love. As we grow in our relationships, misconceptions such as “love is a two-way street” or “love doesn’t hurt” should be ruled null and void because they don’t apply in a real relationship.

Love in it’s most simplistic definition is “charity.” Charity is a gift from one party to another without any payment or gift anticipated in return. When we define love as “charity” it never becomes a two-way street, in fact, love is often a one way street with a stop light. It’s necessary to regulate just how much love you are giving out because giving too much of yourself can cause you to either forget about your own needs or may cause you to be taken advantage of. When love is working the way it was designed to work, that’s where the two-way street manifests, two people giving freely of themselves. It is not you give me some then I’ll give some back. Similar to a highway, sometimes one side has traffic and the other side is flowing. Love fluctuates.

Another misconception is that “love doesn’t hurt.” Love hurts for the better. The very idea of love forces us to break bad habits, do things we normally don’t do, and above all, it forces us to be vulnerable. There will always be moments when love hurts because nothing good comes without hard work and the willingness to take a potentially painful risk. Love is an action meant to be performed over and over again; some of us get it right the first or second time around, but others have to learn the painful lessons it takes to become intimate with love and learn how to apply what we’ve learned to the necessary areas.

Maintaining Consistency

Lack of consistency is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. This is the reason why our partners may say, “He doesn’t do the things he used to do”, or  “She’s not the same person I remember.” Consistency is vital to our relationships’ success. Consistency, by one definition, means “an agreement or harmony of parts or features to one another or a whole.” So ask yourself, what are we agreeing on? and where is our harmony that is necessary for a successful relationship?

Four Key Practices

Love in Communication: Hone communicating your feelings regardless of fear or doubt. Do this knowing it means progress and understanding when you are being communicated to as well.

Love in relations: Show love in this area not just sexually, but find what makes each of you feel appreciated. When you do this neither you or your partner will feel burdened when giving.

Love in confrontation: Even when you’re disagreeing, show love. Never use hurtful information against each other because you erode your partner’s sense of trust that they can’t be intimate with you. Find a way to argue productively towards a solution or just listen to what’s being said.

Believing in the Existence of Love: The biggest and most powerful lie we can tell ourselves is that love doesn’t exist or it doesn’t work. Find a way to destroy the barriers keeping you from loving and love selflessly and abundantly,  and you’ll rarely be unsatisfied.

Human beings instinctively seek the most comfortable and pleasurable circumstances, elements that are naturally consistent within our personalities. With a combination of life experience and external influence, we develop an internal persona which influences our perspectives, decisions and attractions. We then let this persona develop our idea of love, which serves to become an item of our basic instinct: the yearning to be satiated.

People continuously change within relationships, however, love does not change. In order to have a sense of consistency, we must embody a synonymous definition of love. As we hold on to our definition, our personalities will mature, but the actions we took at the beginning of our relationship will never go away because they will grow as we do.

Our agreement to love another produces a harmony between two hearts and minds; it allows us to apply every variable of love to each other consistently. This doesn’t mean there won’t be issues within the relationship, (every relationship has them), but it does mean issues will be solved with love, that troubles should be resolved productively. Maintain your consistency by upholding your agreement to love and fight against your selfish instincts. Love is a living thing, which thrives as you provide for its care. The more you place your relationship into love, the more love places itself into you.

Appreciation & Reassurance
Men and women have many incentives to love, however, there are two in particular that are constant necessities in any relationship. Appreciation and reassurance. Each of these qualities are love’s fuel and glue and need to be exercised often in any relationship. Although men and women have a different demand for each of the two, women, I believe, are more in need of reassurance, as men are more in need of appreciation.
Because women instinctively love through their ability to communicate feelings of love and spending quality time with their partners, they have little issue reassuring. Men, on the other hand, naturally love through their ability to provide, protect and physically please, so appreciation is one of men’s natural gifts. Again, this is my opinion. Both men and women should be proactive in learning how to give to each others love in this respect.
Without these elements, resentment can be created, which may cause other aspects of the relationship to deteriorate, communication, for example. If one isn’t receiving these necessities, the resentment may cause a person’s ability to communicate from a place of love to be diminished and therefore, to become ineffective.
Conversely, appreciation and reassurance encourage a a cycle of building trust within a relationship, which ultimately guides the two of you into true intimacy. Intimacy, being the final and most important part of any relationship as well as the most difficult to attain if the prerequisites haven’t been met. Lovers must keep appreciation and reassurance in mind at all times if they truly wish to take their relationship to the next level.
Setting Boundaries & Gaining Understanding
In our generation’s relationship practices, we see a lot boundaries being crossed as well as the presence of stubbornness ruining the stability of relationships. It is more than necessary to establish how far you are willing to go for the sake of your relationship, and even more necessary to learn to understand the other. There are too many people who have no discernible perimeter for what they will do to keep their relationship, due to the fear of starting over or being alone. At the same time, people define too many limitations for what their partner cannot do in their relationship. Relationships can’t function under those kinds of circumstances.
It is of the greatest importance to maintain your own identity within your relationship. Any and all relationships are a sum of two parts working together and should remain two parts to continue being considered a relationship. The feeling of love can be a consuming one. If you are taken by that feeling to a point where you are no longer an independent operator in your relationship it may result in your being drained of an ability to be conscious of boundaries you shouldn’t cross. You will do things because you “love” them, ignore signs that are obvious to everyone observing them and blame yourself for problems that arise in your situation (I reference “situation” because at this level your relationship has ceased).
Gaining understanding in a relationship is vital. To know your partner’s habits, likes, and dislikes is one thing, but to understand why they are important to them is far more important. Understanding must be reached in relationships, or resentments could potentially damage the relationship. Arguments and misunderstandings are inevitable in all relationships, however, they are just learning experiences. Remembering this may help you during your next disagreement.
Certain boundaries need to be discussed in relationships, especially as sexual romance is concerned. Many people are not willing and/or comfortable fulfilling certain of their partner’s sexual desires. Discuss these challenges and settle upon a mutual agreement.
Once these boundaries are set and understanding is achieved, the lines of communication become clearer and resolution easier. All of these items work together in love and should be exercised consciously.
Reaching for Intimacy
The most important step in our love relationships is reaching intimacy. Defined as “the acquiring of a deep unusual understanding of a person”, reaching intimacy requires the constant study of your partner’s mental, emotional and physical conditions to understand their being.
It requires trust in your most vulnerable areas, too: forgiveness and sacrificing your will for the sake of love.
Intimacy doesn’t happen magically or suddenly; it requires absolute commitment to not just the “titles” to which many of us apply so much substance. It requires the decision to put your hands to the plow and cultivate your love regardless the season. If you have no trust or fear of being vulnerable you will find it impossible to acquire the experience of an intimate love. But you must first make yourself available to it and then stick with it.
You must be proud of your relationship as you give up being prideful. Accept the possibility of being wrong. Know what roles you play, and give your partner your best effort.

Treasure

As I journeyed into the wilderness looking for you

I encountered amazing internal treasures roaming in the solitude
They were like flower beds of silver and gold
They were like trees of life that never grew old
They were still like the earth but powerful too
They were soft like silk
Sweet like honey and milk
Dazzling colors of fairy tales flowed from the lakes of my spirit well
I had been made well
If this life wore a watch time could tell
On the other side of my journey
There were days that felt like nights
Times I had to fight the beasts of fear with all my might
Moments I laid spent wondering if I chose the left path instead of the right
Staring at the sky under the blazing sun
Imagining how many sons conquered this plight
Sequestered in the depths of carnality
I had to die to live and save my sanity
In my death I found the revelries in humility
I found the serenity in surrender
Once I find you I’ll remember
That it took more than just desire
the day I realized I was more than a conqueror
The day I found works by faith
Life through death from grace
I found that love flowed in spiritual space

Love Lasts Forever 

Pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure

So when it hurts will you remember that you promised me forever? 

Or will you acquiesce to fear and let it tell you that running is better?

Will you forget the love you felt the nights we spent wrapped together?

Does a bit of pain ring more true than the love we share together? 

Was your sacrifice of time more expensive than mine? 

You say you spent it a victim of crime

I say I spent it battling lies

Because I love you with much in mind

I know that your love won’t always feel divine 

I see that you are human but you are mine and in the times where we argue and fight I pray in secret for the love of you and I 

I know your hearts intent to love me without doubt or regret

And as you love I love you doubly 

Because you changed my heart the day we met

Yes pain lasts a lot longer than pleasure that’s why we make love in such a healthy measure 

So when it hurts you might remember

When I promised you I’ll leave you never 

Maybe just maybe we can look past the imperfect and somehow see that this love is so worth it 

It is my hearts desire to die so that it can live for you 

To appreciate this love because of all I took you through

Perhaps the pain is so great because great loves are not built with expiration dates 

Pain last a lot longer than pleasure but true love last a little longer than forever

Mind Body Soul

I want to love you as God loves me

To be fully committed and unwavering 

I want to be close and intimate believing only the purity of your heart 

I want to love you as I love me

Fully forgiving and understanding 

Knowing that you too are like me

Deserving of a love everlasting

I want to grow in spirit and in truth

Having an intense desire and adoration for all that is you

To study pieces of you that helps me love you yesterday, today and forever

I want to be of one mind 

Focused on the finish line

I want to bear fruit with you

To learn to stand when I’ve done all I can 

I want to love you as God loves you 

To die so that you may live

To dwell within you wherever you go

To know things in you no one else knows

I want to love you as patient and kind

I want to love you body soul and mind 

When Words Collide

When words collide the grenade goes off and fragments flyDiminished meanings, misunderstood feelings leave dreadful endings.

words mean nothing when clashing, just plain old jibberish and time wasting.

Sounds blurred by the wrong verbal prescription produce communication annihilation engaged by stubborn fixations of being right

Mental battles ensue in pursuit of the end of the lingual fight

Tongues lash at each other like dogs in a fight, resentment wounds that can’t heal overnight leave brittle word warriors to ponder what might

What words to launch next in and out of spite.

What tongue tactics to lay back with as the oppositions counter attacks miss

Miscued notions envelope mislead feelings. the once ever repetitive and evernew “we” crushed into a complulsive so impulsive “me” and “I”

The blind word shot from the pistol of pride deflected by a sheild of ego let’s the solution hide behind the eyes

The fault is an unsolved mystery of mind but it’s launched from self to shelf so guilt is never dealt

In the end after the debri has cleared when the smoke and dust have settled notice the casulties were few

The count came back as a total of two

Me and you   

 

Fears labyrinth 

She’s a walking masquerade stuck behind many different faces trying to find the right one to replace the one that shows her pain

Her beautiful light dimmed by her inner fears, stricken by remnants of pain well rooted in her memories

Tears swallowed with shots of resentment, manipulation of the many are her due recompense

She knows he loves her, she knows he cares but the last time she thought it was love it was a joke

her countenance broke when the truth hit her 

Showered her in melancholy and left her with a life long memory of him 

Her light was dimmed by the darkness of turmoil, her plans foiled by inner confusion

Illusions plague her road to sanity

Gripped by despair unable to rid herself from calamities chains she mindlessly wonders in circles around her broken heart in search of it’s missing pieces

Pieces clinched in the fists of her past

Unconscious chains tangled in the weeds of her insecurities 

Notions of a forever make her cringe

The fear of vulnerability cripples her ability to trust 

What cannot be controlled must be done away with 

Trapped in a labyrinth of deception 

Mirrors with false reflections 

A hell for those who have eyes but still are too blind to see

The Workshops

Find me in the workshops of your mind

Building love on the foundation of your treasures

Feed me the bread of your devotion 

May you live in every part of me forever 

Quench my thirst with the wine of your lips

Allow me to revel in the inebriation of your touch 

Clinch your fist into my flesh 

Sink your teeth into my chest

Wrap your desire around my waist 

Plunge me deeper into your embrace

Lets dance in rhythmic energy

Let your eyes whisper the passions trapped inside by the necklace of my masculinity 

Burn me with the heat of your vibrating soul 

Ignite me 

Combine me with your femininity 

Emerge me

So should I find you in the dining room of our romance

Enticed by the fragrance of wine 

Feasting at the delicacies we made 

Enjoying the treasures of our love

I will remember the time spent in the workshops of your mind