The Awful Truth

In romantic relationships we as human beings have a compelling need for what we feel as control. Being placed in vulnerable positions or feeling vulnerable leaves us uncomfortable so we do whatever it takes to have as much control over our circumstances as possible, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

Once we do allow our control to be compromised for the sake of creating chances to grow with another person, we hold on to those attachments and gain a certain familiarity and most of the time we call this love. If or when these “loves” fail one of two things could occur; our pride frees us of all fault and we blame the other person for the failure of the relationship and we move on to another person (different person same characteristics w/ minor differences). The other is we suffer from post traumatic love disorder (PTLD) which causes us to use the “never again” method where trusting another is nearly impossible, the chances of allowing one to get you to that place of vulnerability is virtually non existent, all of this to protect ourselves from a hurt we wish to never experience again.

In men, I believe these kinds of experiences are not typical due to the way we are socialized to behave in relationships. We are too Often raised to believe that manhood is established through sexual conquest, the more women you have sex with the more manly you are perceived to be. Not typically taught how to initiate a relationship and actively perform the roles of a man in a relationship. If a relationship does fail for a man, the “bitches ain’t shit” rule probably goes into effect as a method of control and protection. The next relationship a man goes into will probably be out of comfort and opportunity.
In women experiences like these are more common as a result of mans socialization. Women are often socialized to be ready for a mans absence and to be prepared for a mans inadequacy to perform the necessary roles of a man.

If a relationship goes south for a female she will move on but possibly have underlying symptoms of PTLD that she won’t even be conscious of. This will in turn cause her to inadvertently project her past hurts onto her next mate who will share the same characteristics as her past mate (different person same characteristics w/minor differences), which in turn could result in interpersonal insanity (repetitively pursuing the same type of mate, searching for new results).
I believe that relationships fail because we initiate them with only assumptions of what the rules of engagement will be and we lack expectations. We love for recompense and we bail at the first sign of stormy weather. Both males and females definitions of love & relationships should be synonymous before taking any steps toward something greater.

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