The Wall

I want to gaze at the sunsets in your eyes
The beautiful zenith of twilights made perfect by the sunrises in your smile
I wish to kiss the silks of your lips as the gravity of your femininity pulls me into the galaxies of your embrace
I want to lose myself in the orbit of your sun kissed skin
Tasting the sweetness of your delicate design
Exciting the fullness of my masculinity
the journey into the universe of your mind is tantalizing
I wish to revel in the lightning of your hands because your touch is a sea of endless energy
You are more than a fantasy
You are a not so distant piece of reality separated only by this glass wall of invulnerability
Only by this wall

He Who Finds

What is it that’s making dating so damn difficult these days? It’s as if this generation has never seen a successful relationship and all it knows how to do is satisfy selfish endeavors. It’s almost narcissistic how much this generation cares so much for itself. It’s gotten so bad I’m questioning if my brothers know just how much of the dating responsibility lies within their hands. The kind of example we have to display and the expectations that we men need to live up to are necessary for our women to feel provided for and protected.

For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ I’ll be using Proverbs 18:22 as a reference point. It says “HE who FINDS a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the lord”. There is not only a promise attached to obtaining a wife but there is some work to be done to receive it. The word “find” can be defined as “to obtain by effort or management, to discover by intellect or feeling”. What kind of effort are we (men) putting in to discover a worthy mate? How are we managing our lives to be considered a proper man worthy of a forever? By what form of intellect and intuition are we using to discern what is “good” for us? Take a second to think about it.

Ladies, how are you preparing yourself? Are you ready to be someone’s good thing? While you’re equipping yourself with the adequate defenses against the adversaries that maliciously seek your queenship are you also seeking the ability to allow yourself to be loved the way God intended? Understand that this good thing you possess also needs to be matured. You are also a gift that has to be earned, remember that.

Men, before you go finding your wife you must find yourself and also understand that there lies reflection of you with the acquiring of a partner. Choose wisely, endeavor to satisfy your spirit and soul before you satisfy your body. Strengthen your character, protect your integrity, and make the right decisions for your future. You are important in ways you may not completely understand yet. You are a shield of protection to whatever woman you give your life to. Her trust, her vulnerability, her unique preciousness are what you are required to protect. Those cracks from her heart break, the scars left behind from someone taking from her love are where you stand guard.
You are to be able to provide the safe place, the sense of security, and the leadership that a family will require.
The bible gives specific instructions on how we should treat our S/O..

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25-28‬ NIV)”

Our women were designed beautifully and specifically for us. Created in such a way that we would receive just by giving ourselves. The responsibility is ours. To be that man you have to want it, to be willing to put the necessary work in to grow that fruitful relationship. To seek out the things in a woman no ones bothered to find, to learn to understand what it means to be that protection and provision, and also be willing to allow that woman to give the same love back “HER WAY”. You need life spoken into you as well. It’s a part of that good thing and that favor.

Dating isn’t about the dates, the sex, the gifts or the photos and cute stuff. It’s about finding yourself in another person and being able to surrender to each other. To learn intimacy and to learn to give love, it isn’t to get for yourself.

Foolish Pride, Silly Ego

Men in relationships can and will be saturated with their own pride and ego at various points in any relationship. These attributes are nurtured throughout childhood and hardly ever disciplined within. They are subconscious powerhouses of defense and are potentially poisonous. They are the reason men are easily swayed by challenge, insult, humiliation, and their own carnal nature. If a man doesn’t mature these parts of him he will stumble and fall repeatedly.

Pride can cripple a man’s ability to listen and ego can hasten mans reasoning to anger and impulsiveness. (Philosophers and social psychologists have noted that pride is a complex secondary emotion which requires the development of a sense of self and the mastery of relevant conceptual distinctions). This generation of men build their pride on a myriad of weak social constructs not strong personal values like character and integrity and as such, they are at best shifty and unpredictable. There is a difference in having pride and being prideful.

A mans ego takes on a more complex role in his life and is extremely delicate. A mans ego is intended to regulate his instinctual desire for instant gratification. It is supposed to be the very thing that grants him the strength to be called a man however, an ego needs to be disciplined otherwise it succumbs to the passions of instinct and temptations easily. A man who is prideful and possesses a weak ego will eventually experience a fall he may or may not get up from.

This fall can best be described in a romantic relationship where he allows his inflated pride and ego run rampant throughout his relationship influencing him to give up and leave or cause him to be left. In time (Subjective to person) he could begin to experience feelings of guilt, anxiety, and repentance “realizing” that he is in error. This may cause him to attempt desperate reconciliation presumably with his most recent affair or humble new beginnings with the next.

A man must reinforce himself with integrity, discernment, and courage. He must accept accountability for his decisions and must practice patience to avoid finding himself facing the continuous consequences of his own foolishness. In the end he has to commit to a decision and be prepared to grow from it.

There are no easy routes in life and even more so when you try to blend your life with a counterpart. There are many sacrifices and hardships on the journey of love that we all must be conscious of. Allowing ourselves to be too important can and in most times will leave our counterparts in need.

The Awful Truth

In romantic relationships we as human beings have a compelling need for what we feel as control. Being placed in vulnerable positions or feeling vulnerable leaves us uncomfortable so we do whatever it takes to have as much control over our circumstances as possible, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

Once we do allow our control to be compromised for the sake of creating chances to grow with another person, we hold on to those attachments and gain a certain familiarity and most of the time we call this love. If or when these “loves” fail one of two things could occur; our pride frees us of all fault and we blame the other person for the failure of the relationship and we move on to another person (different person same characteristics w/ minor differences). The other is we suffer from post traumatic love disorder (PTLD) which causes us to use the “never again” method where trusting another is nearly impossible, the chances of allowing one to get you to that place of vulnerability is virtually non existent, all of this to protect ourselves from a hurt we wish to never experience again.

In men, I believe these kinds of experiences are not typical due to the way we are socialized to behave in relationships. We are too Often raised to believe that manhood is established through sexual conquest, the more women you have sex with the more manly you are perceived to be. Not typically taught how to initiate a relationship and actively perform the roles of a man in a relationship. If a relationship does fail for a man, the “bitches ain’t shit” rule probably goes into effect as a method of control and protection. The next relationship a man goes into will probably be out of comfort and opportunity.
In women experiences like these are more common as a result of mans socialization. Women are often socialized to be ready for a mans absence and to be prepared for a mans inadequacy to perform the necessary roles of a man.

If a relationship goes south for a female she will move on but possibly have underlying symptoms of PTLD that she won’t even be conscious of. This will in turn cause her to inadvertently project her past hurts onto her next mate who will share the same characteristics as her past mate (different person same characteristics w/minor differences), which in turn could result in interpersonal insanity (repetitively pursuing the same type of mate, searching for new results).
I believe that relationships fail because we initiate them with only assumptions of what the rules of engagement will be and we lack expectations. We love for recompense and we bail at the first sign of stormy weather. Both males and females definitions of love & relationships should be synonymous before taking any steps toward something greater.

Commit To Being A Man

Commitment- “Sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose”. A man has to blatantly walk in the shoes of his responsibility, he has to commit to the role of manhood, and constantly sacrifice himself with discernment. He must understand that he will be tempted therefore he must wield restraint. This commitment is not of convenience, not in pursuit to be good, but of desperate desire to be great.

This commitment is a prerequisite to all the fundamental things to come in his life. Before he is a husband he must first be a man, before he is a father he must first be a man, before he is chosen to lead he must first be a man and you learn to be a man by following one, there are no shortcuts. He must learn to accept his mistakes and learn from them, he must learn to be wronged and yet forgive, he must learn to love and be satisfied when it’s not returned. His commitment must be long-suffering.

A man, next to god, is his own deliverer from his own folly. A man who disregards the things that are right seals his own fate into stagnation. His decision to pursue true manhood guarantees His freedom into wisdom. He has to be committed to himself, he has to commit to being a man.

A man isn’t defined by his wealth, his sexual conquests, or even his abilities. A man becomes a man when he submits himself under the proper authority. A man is disciplined and seeks counsel, a man exhibits humility and patience, he is not a servant of himself but a servant of Gods will. The commitment in this requires faith of the highest degree and cannot be swayed by the stresses of his life. A man is a leader not a tyrant who imposes his will onto others, but a man who lives for others and what is just.

Why Do You Hurt?

What have we done? Why have all the things that truly matter been thrown out of our hearts and trampled underfoot like trash in the ghetto? Our men are fruitless. Destroyed by the love of money and dragged along by the lusts of society. Gilded, emotional, depthless, and lazy. Their manhood whimsical at best, entertaining an audience of fools alike. A population of victims who hold no accountability for nothing other than conquering the latest woman blinded by naivety and their own selfish endeavors. Ashamed to claim anything of value, to be a father who provides and protects, to hold a legitimate job, or even speak the correct form of his language. I ask again what have we done?
Why are our men throwing their crowns to the ground? How much more beneficial is it to lift someone up rather than tear them down?
How can a man behave like a beast and kill his brother? Shatter the precious jewel that is his sister? How can he leave his child barren and roadless?
Have we not been handed everything?

Our women are turmoiled. They fear our men, their lack of leadership, and their blatant denial of responsibility. Carrying the complete weight of life on their backs with no one to share it with. Created to be loved and cared for as companions but our men pit them against each other and defile their very nature. They themselves destroy each other by denying the source of their anguish and blame each other. Their perceptions of a good and suitable man warped and twisted by the same lusts that defeat our men. Allowing themselves to be spectacles of sexual desires, emulating men, and perpetuating this devastating cycle.

This generation was born with rights our predecessors fought and died for and we disrespect their efforts. We were handed a life they hoped for and we refuse to live it. We have abandoned their paths and are stumbling down a road of destruction. We are faithless, depthless, ignorant, prideful, reckless and above all ungrateful. There are few things worse than death this is one.

Love & Karma

If I’m to say I’ve learned anything about how to love a person I would have to say that in order to love them properly you must love them the best you can one day at a time. Today is the only day you have power over. Today would be the day to show them, today is the day you tell them, and today would be the day to give them the love you want to give them forever.

When we say “tomorrow” we take power from today. We place love on the hopeful notion that tomorrow is for certain and we have time in tomorrow. It gets easier and easier to love a person tomorrow because the output it requires is significantly less than what today demands. We focus on the gifts, the money, and the exciting plans that we have for tomorrow then forget about the priceless moments of right now. Time we will never see again squandered over the hope of something we may never get.

As love is an outward moving force, karma, is an inward moving force equal to the outward one. You reap what you sow. If you spend your day sowing love, giving love (kindness, patience, understanding, time, compassion) then you will reap love. Today is all you have and if you aren’t giving you are taking from something, somewhere. Karma is a dependent energy that we can call yesterday, simply because we don’t often see karma in play immediately and Yesterday’s forces are often manifested today. It’s dependent on how you treat others and how you treat yourself. We create our tomorrow’s from our today’s, if we are loving today we create love for ourselves tomorrow and our yesterday (karma) becomes good.

We create our own fate in love and in life with our energies. When we love with false intent we create false hope. When we live with negative thought patterns we create negative paths for our lives. Our tomorrow’s are born on pretenses we set in motion, yesterday. If you live with walls placed around you, life will not intrude, love will not reach you. If you do only for yourself, life will take its cut and love will not bless you. We get only what we have first given and always remember life gives first to you many possibilities each day.