I’ve always enjoyed having the relationship conversation; always being mindful of the many perspectives of the many people I’ve had the opportunity to exchange views with, and one thing that has been repeated on various occasions from women is “I can’t find a good man”. Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I believe that good men aren’t meant to be found, that would suggest that women have become the pursuers and men the ones who require the chase. It seems as though men have just lost their tenacity for finding quality through hard work and women have let them by acquiescing to a lower standard. Men aren’t trying so the women have taken the offense.
A man should find you ladies. To “find” by its definitions is “to obtain by effort or management” or to “discover by intellect or feeling”. No good man will want a woman who doesn’t excite a desire to work for her in him and no woman should want a man who thinks it should be easy to have her. A good man understands the value of a woman and invests himself into her with time, diligence in learning her personality, and openness to trust her with his guard absent. A man’s countenance in his pursuit of a woman must be unwavering, confident, but always humble. “I can’t find a man” should be turned into “a man hasn’t found me” especially if you all insist on carrying the title of black queens anyway. None of your power is stripped away allowing yourself to be still and allowing a man to discover you where you are.
Men aren’t being men because no one is requiring them to. “Chillin”, “kickin it”, “talkin” are all defense mechanisms so no one has to be held responsible for each other’s feelings. It’s not a bad thing for a man to have to prove his trustworthiness to you, if he wants you for real he will take the challenge of earning it; or not. A man will always rise up to the occasion if you are worth the chase to him, it shouldn’t be difficult to know when someone isn’t being sincere. We hear it all the time, “actions speak louder than words” and if that’s the truth why are so many of us giving in from mere words without exercise?
I’m sure we all are quite frustrated with dating these days, those of us who actually want a meaningful relationship that has potential to go the distance. It begins with us men, we have to make up our minds that we can be committed and willing to persevere through temptation, doubt, and ourselves. Having more of a desire to give than the desire to get has to be something that men and women have to realize is what makes relationships work. To be emptied by yourself and refilled by your significant other has to be the conscious decision by you both but it begins with the man.